Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Gratitude ~ Sophie's Second Birthday

Today I can't stop recounting all that I am grateful for. There are the standards; roof over my head, food in my belly, working ears, eyes and limbs......but there are the know those. The ones that resinate in every breath, thought, & heartbeat. Like, Dr. P, who disagreed with the majority in my OB practice. It was his decision to keep me longer. Nurse Susan, who insisted on additional bloodwork and literally ran over two remote computers while running me to the OR. Dr. L who wouldn't stop resuscitating Soph, certain she would come around. Nurse Lauren who spoke so softly to me while explaining Sophie's bleeds and sat with me a great deal that afternoon. Dr. H who performed Sophie's heart surgery and held my hand while showing real pictures of her heart and explained genteely that she was on her way to failure. His huge hands were incredible instruments. A few of my best friends C, B & W, who without, my world would be a dimmer place. Their prayers and encouragement supported me in ways they will never know.

You see all of these people live their lives daily. Probably in the same monotonous form as you and I. They have no idea that they live in me every day. That I pray for and think of them every day. Sophie is here with me because these people were put in place in my path and I am indebted to them. It is not for me to know, understand, or even TRY to figure out, but I am certain of their roles.

Today we will celebrate Soph's second birthday. And as I continue to watch her grow, I am eternally grateful for her. I realize that I have been entrusted with her life, not only by the Good Guy Upstairs, but by all of these people. I am privilaged that I get to hear her pacifier clacking in the night as she runs down the hall to my bedside, and proud when she boasts all day about her new favorite word "SHOOO". This role with my Sophia Grace is one that I have not found proper words to express my gratitude in the grace I have received.

I truly understand that she is a gift. She is not mine. I will not treat her as an idol and I will not hold her so close that she forgets how to live seperately. I will let go when I need to and let her fall when I should. I know I will have my days, as will she, but I am truly honored that she is in my world. And in the midst of it all, the entire road, I get to watch her dance. And it is breathtaking.

"....Happy Birthday sweet Sophia Grace
Just know you hold a special place
In my heart and Daddy's too
'Cause God sure made a wonderful you!"

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