Belphia

test

2009-08-16T16:44:00.001-05:00

Where is my blog?

2009-05-30T09:27:00.000-05:00

New post

2009-03-07T07:22:00.003-06:00

might help if I leave the correct address....thought I already did, but here it goes.....

http://www.gildedingrace.blogspot.com/

You can find us there because of the problems with this account....I will slowly move my posts over, but will be blogging in the meantime!!! Thanks!

New Blog...

2009-02-12T15:49:00.007-06:00

So you all know that I have to start from scratch....so it's slow going, but I am pasting every post from Belphia to the new blog and adding the elements, which isn't going as smoothly as it should, but none the less...I am on my way.

So again, bare with me, the blog is pretty bare right now, but on it's way.

Will begin posting soon!

The new address is
Gilded in Grace

Go Betsy Go Betsy

2009-02-06T09:44:00.003-06:00

...I am such a nerd - - - but I am so excited that it appears I successfully added more memory to the laptop, which will hopefully eliminate some of the problems we've been having!! So far things are working properly, just wondering what I am supposed to do with the leftover pieces - hmmmmm?!

Time for a change....I guess......

2009-01-28T14:41:00.001-06:00

Still waiting on google....but I think I can wait no more! (I'm not that patient, but you already knew that) - - Unfortunately that means I will need to start over with the family blog, but I am having trouble coming up with a new name that is "me", "us" or available - - ideas guys???? Send them on - - remember, because I have no admin capabilities I can not publish comments, but I do still get them!!

Big girl happenings....

2009-01-27T08:31:00.002-06:00

Yesterday Soph surprised me, again. We have started the routine of a short nap in the afternoons or at least quiet time. Yesterday, she insisted that she wasn't tired, so I agreed that she could read in bed for awhile and told her that I would be up shortly to check on her. She chose 5 different books, turned her bedside lamp on and readied herself to read in bed. I went about my way cleaning and picking up, all the while, listening for her. After about 15 minutes I headed back upstairs fully expecting to find her wide eyed and bushy tailed, but when I peeped around the corner, she was out. I walked to her bedside for further examination and she was tucked under her covers, her lamp was out and her books stacked in a neat pile on the floor. Obviously, she realized she was tired afterall and was perfectly comfortable putting herself to sleep. It was an awakening to Soph's maturity; I still see the little girl with tiny fingers and toes and the sweetest little voice in the world and yet, she's become a big girl capable of surprising feats. It only takes an instant to remind me how quickly she's growing. Bittersweet!

I must say - I am going to take full advantage of the snow day today!! Both girls home = loads of fun! Now if only Mart had a snow day too, it'd be bliss!

Bare with me...

2009-01-20T21:45:00.003-06:00

I managed to delete my original blogger account....soooooo what that means is that I can no longer do anything that requires permissions on my own blog. I have waited a couple of weeks to hear back from google regarding this. Truly, it's got to be as simple as a click and "you're in", but I'm guessing at this point that it's unlikely I'll get anywhere with them.

My new plan is to develop a new blog and slowly copy everything over so as to have it all in one place....afterall, this whole thing resulted in my attempt to "get organized" online!! Classic!

In the meantime, I can still post stories, but short of that I'm up the creek. As a result, I've decided it's a good opportunity to for an overhaul, so just bare with me as I inch my way forward!!!

Fragile.....

2009-01-16T21:28:00.004-06:00

The other night we were all playing in Soph's room....Bella and Mart were teasing each other when Bella ran out of words and decided to start bopping Marty....Soph stood up and yelled at Bella - "Don't hit my father, Jesus made him and he's fragile!" - - - got a lot of laughs and smiles out of that one!! Thank goodness she didn't reference his age!! Kids are classic!!

Personal mission....

2009-01-15T14:33:00.000-06:00

one of many, I guess, but this pertains to my "role" in the home. I have said for years, since I quit "working" - although we all know I'm working harder now than I ever did before - ;) - that I was going to figure out how to save more money for our family. My wonderful husband works very hard to provide for us, so I absolutely feel it's my responsibility to not only avoid frivolity of spending, but to pinch as well.....sooooooo, I have just started my research to determine what the best avenues for saving is, i.e. coupons, clubs, etc..... and I am finding so much information that my head is spinning and we all know that after having two babies my head barely has enough marbles to begin with. I am so excited to begin this attempt and it's my thought that when I find something new and spectacular, I'll share. So far, I can tell you that Walgreens is a tremendous help on this front!! Right now, I am hoping to cut our grocery bill by $125.00 a month (secretly I pushing for $200.00 - but we'll keep that between you and me ;)) Will keep you posted! And if you have any suggestions, let me know - - I would love the help!!!!

Conversations with a preschooler!

2009-01-13T16:44:00.002-06:00

How quickly they move on....a conversation with Soph!

Soph - "Mommy, I want to walk on the moon"

Me - "You do?"

Soph - "Yes. I want to walk all around it, like this" - (walking motion)

Me - "That would be terrific, why do you want to walk on the moon?"

Soph - "I love the moon. But if I walked to the bottom I'd fall" (eyes and head in the quizzical thought position)

Me - "What do you mean?"

Soph - "I would be upside down, I'd fall down and get hurt. I'd bleed" (excitable yet scared tone)

Me - "Well, actually you wouldn't fall, you'd float"

Soph - "No Mom - I WOULD fall, I would"

Me - "Truly Soph, you'd float, wanna know why?"

Soph - "No mom, no, I don't want to talk about the moon anymore. I'm hungry."

This week is off to a great start......

2009-01-12T14:45:00.010-06:00

YAY! Last week was the first week in a long time that I just couldn't wait to come to a close. It was just one of those odd weeks where nothing goes as expected and you end up at the mercy of others, to some degree. I had big plans to get the house entirely in order, to begin the process of elimination on unnecessary clothes and toys, and to play with Soph and Bella as much as possible. In the midst of my plans, though, my neighbor, Shon, was dealing with a dead car and she needed help getting her son, Qui, to his physician appointments, so we immediately planned to help. She is a single mom who is doing the absolute best she can and has very little in the form of family or finances to help her. Her son endured a double lung transplant at the age of two last spring and needs constant care and attention. Over a period of three days I drove as she would manage one appointment after the next, all the while saying that she was excited about getting back to work once her son was cleared to go to daycare. At the end of each day I came home with the vast awareness, again, of the many blessings I have been bestowed and each time was quick to give a nod to the heavens with great appreciation. By the end of the week, Shon was overwhelmed, the day of her last appointment I drove her to Children's hospital and noticed, on the way, that she was much quieter than normal. I told her that I hoped 2009 was going to be a better year for her and that God has great plans for her and told her one of my favorite scriptures Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," ... "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - She smiled and thanked me and half-heartedly agreed as she stepped out of the car with her son. I told her to call when they were done and wondered on my way home, what, beyond the obvious, could be troubling her so badly, while saying constant prayers for the two en route.

Shortly after arriving home Shon's troubles were revealed to me. There was a knock on my door and another neighbor explained that he knew I knew Shon and thought I should know what was happening. I stepped out of my home to see two sheriff's and a truckload of men carrying Shon's things off. I had no way of getting in touch with her because her cell phone had, earlier in the week, been turned off so I inquired and the officers explained that they were doing an eviction. My heart sank and I didn't know what to say. I spoke with the man in charge of her items and he told me they would go into a storage facility that she would have to pay for to get them out. He knew Shon and felt badly about what he had to do...it was not his property, he just handled the landscape, and was just doing what he was told. There was definite sadness in his eyes. I worked it out between he and the sheriffs that they would bring over the baby's medicine, oxygen tanks, machines, clothes, food, etc...Before I knew it our foyer and dining room was riddled with 18 oxygen tanks, loads of medicine and enough clothes and shoes to make my head spin. I spoke with Shon once, when she called, during the process and hated to tell her what was happening. She was heartbroken, of course, but also told me that they were admitting her son because of concern of pneumonia. At that time, I just didn't have the right words.

Later I told our girls what was happening, as they saw the situation unfold. They were so sad at the thought that Shon and Qui were out of a home and that this is happening to people in many ways around us and all over the country. It really brought home to Bella the depth of losing a home and not being able to pay bills. She spoke of Shon and Qui throughout the day.

Over the next two days I spoke with Shon alot, her son, Qui endured minor surgery and treatments, our furnace died, twice, and, to boot, I deleted by mistake, several Internet accounts, including the admin account for this blog. It was an exhausting week. Knowing full well, mine was nothing like Shon's!

Today as I brought Shon to our home from the hospital to get some of her things...I was thankful. Thankful for hope, among many things. What a gift it is. As Shon and I spoke, we talked about God's plans and I reminded her that it's easy to feel that when it's raining the hardest, God has forgotten us, but that the truth is sometimes he allows things to happen in our life so that He can turn it into something beautiful. Just like the process of the butterfly, it's not an easy task to change oneself from a small, peculiar looking creature to something so magnificent, but it happens and we boast about the miracle in the transformation. Well, what rings true for the little Caterpillar rings true for us too. God plans to make us something beautiful...to take all of our pain and sin and transform them for His glory. He has given us a guarantee, the rain always stops, always.

When I returned her to the hospital, she grabbed her things and headed in. As I maneuvered to pull out I noticed she was running to my side of the car, I put down my window and she asked me to step out. No sooner then I did were her arms wrapped around my neck. Shon is a woman who hates to cry, doesn't often ask for help and hates to appear weak, but in that moment with tears dripping down her cheeks I saw someone else and it was such a blessing to see. As she stepped back she told me that she felt great, that she was certain God had a better place for her and that she couldn't wait to find out more, that she knew she was going to be alright!!! I agreed emphatically! She shook my arms and repeated several times that she knows God placed our family next to hers for a purpose and with one more hug and a waive, rushed off!

I smiled the entire drive home. And as I listened to Soph change her mind multiple times about lunch, I thanked God again, for giving me the opportunity to be there, for putting my family and I in this place, and I even thanked Him for the rainy seasons - God bless the rainy seasons!

Thought this was absolutely worth sharing!

2009-01-06T09:22:00.001-06:00

Is it Christmas again tomorrow?

2008-12-28T19:16:00.003-06:00

For kids, and some adults, there is a such a let down the day after Christmas. Fortunately, that was not the case in our home this year. Everyone truly enjoyed the holiday and the realization that the celebration continues in our hearts daily helped to encourage us all. That said, we were having such a great time the whole day that I don't think Soph's smile left her face once....not even while sugarplums danced in her head during nap time....with which she went willingly. This was the first year that she really seemed to grasp the concept of Christmas. She opened her presents with zest and seemed to comprehend the idea that we were celebrating Jesus' birthday. I have to say how proud I am that both girls came downstairs and sat very patiently on our couch near the tree and gifts as they waited for Marty to get his coffee and me my Diet Dr. Pepper. They also lovingly participated in our tradition of a prayer of thanks to God prior to opening even one package. The day was wonderful and what made it truly great this year is the increasing awareness of our family's blessings...'specially the one that has the four of us under one roof! The day ended with a funny note from Sophie Grace - sitting on the couch discussing bedtime...she stood between Mart and I and while shaking her head back and forth very slighty asked in a hushed tone, "Will it be Christmas again tomorrow?" - - - we both laughed and said, "Not tomorrow, but definitely next year!" - She nodded her head, accepted our answer and readied herself for bed.

In a blink, as quickly as the day began it ended. Mart and I tucked Sophie in bed, followed her nightly instruction on how to properly say good night, hugged and kissed Bella and with each step down the stairs, listening to them giggle about the day, we were reminded, yet again, that the most precious gifts we are given are not found under any tree or in any stocking. The very things we, as humans, seek to make us happy have already been given to us. They aren't wrapped in perfect paper and can't be purchased in any store. They're not delivered by the postman and certainly don't cost a thing. Simply put, they are those joys that let your heart sing, the moments that take your breath away, the fragrance of memories and the awareness of wisdom gained. These are the gifts that are priceless!

Short and sweet....

2008-12-25T16:13:00.001-06:00

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you ! Hope your day has been filled with joyful sounds, wonderful tidings and super yummy eats!! And more than anything I hope that you found yourself full of spirit and surrounded by the true "presents" of Christmas - the Good Lord himself!!!

Love to you all!!

"All Hail! Lord, we greet Thee,
Born this happy morning,
O Jesus! for evermore be Thy name adored.
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord."

I am so spoiled....

2008-12-22T14:21:00.001-06:00

For a week now Marty and I have been sick. It seems to have started with Bella and just made it's way around to the two of us, thankfully Soph is in good shape!! We have both felt so lousy that we haven't done much of anything. That said, I can't sit still....if there are dishes in the sink I must wash them, garbage that needs to go out, I must take it. And because I am such a germaphobe laundry needed to run regulary and baths given daily. I have been exhausted...but what I have hated most is how this type of situation can feed on anything negative. I was just a grump...and short of feeling terrible couldn't put my finger on why....until yesterday.

For so many years, I was the one doing all of the meals in the house, every dish, every bath, all the cleaning and so on. No help. I was physically exhausted and didn't even know it then. NOW, things are quite the opposite...I am married to a man that doesn't have to be asked at all to help. He does more than I imagine and probably more than I could recount, so while I was not feeling well, nor was he and I perfectly understood this.....I guess the subconcious fear of past reality crept in...overwhelming me to the point of tears. I never want to go back.......and I need to get better about letting Mart know just how much I appreciatate all that he does do! Spending so many years counting on only one person in a relationship is an exhausting and scary experience.....nor the way the Good Lord intended. So I spend today getting better, taking care of a terribly sick hubby and being incredibly grateful for the amazing man given to me, as well as for the wonderful knowledge that I will never experience past circumstances again and especially for the incredible hope that burned all those years in the process!!!!

Jabanero Peppers!!!

2008-12-18T20:23:00.001-06:00

Bella has been wanting to try a Jabanero for awhile now...so while in the store the other day I bought one specifically with her in mind. I warned her that they were really spicy, but she still wanted to try. So we cut it into small pieces and she took a bite. She loved it and was very proud that she could handle the heat. I smiled and congratulated her and told her that if she really wanted to taste the spice to eat a seed. So, in true Bella form, she did....this time, however, she chose to eat about 8 seeds and a piece of the pepper itself. She smiled again and was very proud and while I continued to cook, I listened to her boast about how strong she is and that it's all because she's got "Italian blood" in her and I don't - I just gave her the look as she exited the kitchen with a very "I'm the best" kind of look on her face. Moments later, she returned, rushing saying in a very hushed tone with tears streaming down her face......"I know Mom, God don't like ugly - God don't like ugly" - - - I nodded my head and smiled as she ran water to quench her need for cool. I didn't say a word....just turned to give her a hug and tell her that I was proud she tried something new so willingly AND that she learned something from it.

Nice to see that she got the message in the lesson pretty quickly. BTW, the phrase she used has been passed down by a friend of mine that introduced it to me years ago......I am pleased to see it's still being put to good use despite it's grammatical errors!!! ;)

Christmas tour

2008-12-11T09:38:00.014-06:00

A couple of friends of mine via email and one of the sites I follow instituted a day to do a Christmas tour of each of our homes. Since I've now seen it in a couple ways I decided to participate. The idea is just to post pictures of things you'd find around your home that might be of some importance to you over the holidays, to make us feel like we were there! So I thought it would be a nice idea to follow through on over the next few days!!

So look for the incoming tags guys!! :) First, I tag Jen at Against All Odds.

Soph's favorite!

My ornament wreath!
Marty decorated our norfolk island pine

The Santa ornament my dad carved for me!

My Santa Doll and Bella's Snowman plate

The girls' snowflakes

Marty's Santa - he was his Grandfather's!

The Hand Wreath Bella made in Kindergarten

Our outdoor wreath

The banister

Our nativity and some old ornaments!
Our Advent Calendar!

Our Tree!

Date night with the hubby

2008-12-09T15:00:00.005-06:00

Sunday night Marty and I attended a dinner/fundraising event for the Pujols Family Foundation! It is a foundation that Albert Pujols and his wife established to help families dealing with down syndrome and families in the Dominican Republic.

Upon moving to St. Louis I became very familiar with Albert Pujols. He plays for the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team and has gained a great deal of respect in the city and league because of his integrity. Not only is he a phenomenal ball player, but his faith in God is astounding. His motto is "faith, family, friends". We were very excited to receive tickets to the dinner, just to be able to take part in some fashion for such a terrific cause warmed our hearts. And the event did not disappoint. The people at our table were wonderful and the presentations moving. We were surrounded by a variety of people from professional hall of famers to the average family affected by DS. I have to say that the level to which individuals praised God at this event was surprising. Reminds you that no matter your lot in life, we are all the same - and that God has you just where he needs you regardless of reason or obviousness of reason.

Our night took an unexpected turn from our plans and allowed Marty and I an opportunity to do something valuable. I mentioned the terrific people at our table...one of them was a man named "Bob". He's an older gentleman, about my mom's age. I became enamored by him from the get go. He was a happy guy, experienced and genuine. He spoke of many things, but especially of his wife "Grace". He lost her to an aneurysm ten years ago. They went to sleep and she never woke up. When he retold the story, even in short, his voice cracked and I could clearly see the pain he still feels in the loss. Throughout dinner we chatted of things; items he was bidding on, his three daughters and grandchildren, his travels, his business. I was really taken with him......gotta admit I love older gentlemen...and that's only grown since I've lost my father. I know Mart gets this...he's amazing. Before long Bob was really feeling sick. He did not want to leave because he wanted to pay for the items that he bid on; of which I thought was one thing - a cake that he bought as a gift to Marty and I....a really thoughtful gesture. I assured him that we would take care of it and insisted he head home. He just nodded and headed out. Not long later we saw him sitting on the steps, miserable. He was feeling lousy and looked horrible, and still wanted to take care of the cake. I grabbed his bidding number and asked Mart to stand in line to pay for it and he did without question. I helped Bob up as he told me he was heading home. Mart and I stood in line together....I wanted him to let me handle it...I hated that he was passing up his opportunity to meet the Pujols and the many others...but he didn't want to leave me. While in line, my heart was aching and I couldn't quit thinking about Bob...so I told Mart that I felt I needed to look to make sure he was gone. I walked to the foyer of the ballroom and there he was, nearly passed out on a couch. When I put my hand on his to wake him, I frightened him greatly. I borrowed Mart's phone and asked Bob for his daughter's number......I explained the situation and she said that she and her husband would be there as soon as they could. They lived about a half hour away. So I waited. I went back and forth between my husband and this wonderful man, checking on them both. At one point when I walked away from Bob, I turned to look at him and I instantly held my breath......here was this man....all alone, missing his wife. Tears just came to my eyes. What it must be like to spend a lifetime with someone only to wake up one day and find they are gone. How sad that is. His wife died when she was 55, my Marty is 40. The difference is 15 years....less time then he and I have spent together and it's just not enough, 'specially since we just got it right to begin with. Before I started back I caught my husband smiling at me...waiting very patiently for me in line, for a man he doesn't even know...because what he did know is that it mattered to me. There are not enough words to describe the love I felt for him even at that moment. I sat back down next to Bob and held his hand as he apologized for keeping us from our family and evening. I explained to him that we were right where we were supposed to be and that we were not leaving him. Before long Marty came around the corner - cake, bags and boxes in tow. Seems that Bob had won more items then I thought and in his attempt to make a night easier an old guy, Mart covered the cost until Bob could pay us back. Bob was very thankful and apologetic at the same time.....I just teased him saying how thankful we were that he didn't win the VIP box at the Cards game....that would have broken the bank for sure....he laughed and assured us that he would be in touch as soon as he could. We weren't concerned for that, we knew he would. After about 45 minutes his daughter arrived and we felt comfortable leaving him in her care. The whole way home I held my wonderful husband's hand.......Bob served a purpose for me that night. The last month I have been missing my father greatly.....taking care of Bob filled a need I didn't realize was so abundant....the need to feel closer to my dad.....secondly, Bob served as a reminder that marriage and love, in all it's stages is precious. That there will come a day that either my husband or I will be living without the other.....that each day I have with him is a blessing and that no amount of time is enough. It's my hope that if there is ever a day that Marty endures a similar situation that someone would show him the same kindness we showed Bob.......just like Bob, he deserves it - and more!

Monday, Bob's daughter called to tell us that her father has a bad case of the flu and was still feelng pretty lousy. She thanked us for our time with him and Marty explained that we wouldn't have had it any other way. My mind still goes to him and I look forward to seeing him again.

Date night with my husband was more than I could have imagined....it wasn't enough that I was there with the best looking guy in the room and the love of my life.......God chose to sprinke a little more of his magic on us.....my blessings can not be counted!!!

2008-12-01T16:28:00.002-06:00

Well, I've been tagged.....by Jen at Against All Odds.

The instructions are these:
1--choose the 4th picture folder on my computer
2--choose the 4th picture
3--explain the picture
4--tag 4 other people

Okay, here is the pic -

The week of Easter we found a rabbit's nest in our yard. We watched over it and after awhile noticed the mother wasn't coming back, she left this one after one had already died and took the largest one with her, we watched as she left it. So we tried to save this little guy, but was not able to. He was adorable, but just too small!

Now, most of those bloggers I know have already been tagged....sooooo I'll be tagging via email!!!

Message through music

2008-11-29T15:16:00.002-06:00

I went to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra yesterday with my mom. I have heard their music for years and have fond memories of them because they were one of my father's favorites. The show was fantastic and while there, I was able to really listen to the words and receive the message they were sending with each note.

There were several songs I loved, but there was one that really got me ~ "This Christmas Day". As I narrowed my ears to really hear what was being sung I was amazed that the words so perfectly described what is in my heart this season. See, I have always loved celebrating Christmas! It is a time that since I was a child was filled with magic...the lights, trees, shiny ornaments, cookies...everything that goes into it. As I grew, the appreciation did too. I began to focus more and more on Christ and the reasons to celebrate, which only made the season more magical for me. That said, this year is different and I wasn't able to put my finger on it, until last night. These words and suddenly the lightbulb came on:

"She's coming home this Christmas Day
All at once the world
It doesn't seem the same
And in a single night
You know it all has changed
And everything is now as it should be

I have the ornament
I have the perfect tree
I have a string of lights
I have a chance to see
Everything that my heart thought could be"

It's not the "she" that's coming home, it is the "he" that did.

That's why!! Right there. Everything is as it should be - my family back under one roof, united!!It is everything that my heart thought could be and more! I have been given that chance I always dreamed of - a chance to see my husband in a whole new light! To know a man that I am learning more about each day. My eyes well up just at the thought. He is such a gift to me and with each day that passes this season my heart grows more and more and my gratitude to God rises with every breath. I can not rejoice enough! For that alone, every individual light on our tree will be its own shout to the heavens and each it's own praise to God. Every cookie delivered will be in the name of our Savior, every song sung will be to honor our King and each gift will be wrapped with precise awareness of the gifts we've been given!!!

"...My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior." Luke 1:46-47

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T16:48:00.002-06:00

Not much to say! Just wanted to add a note that I am thinking of you all and hoping you each have a terrific holiday! Individually there is so much to be thankful for, I hope that you and your loved ones can easily recount all of your blessings!

Big hugs!

~ Ephesians 5:19-20 - Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.~

Youtube warning!!!!!!

2008-11-23T05:49:00.004-06:00

Bella loves to play on the computer. We have always monitored what she does on the computer, limited her time and chosen not to join certain websites to keep her safe. Yesterday she was on a couple of times throughout the day, all while both of us were home and doing things. Last night we were reviewing her history and were not shocked to find the typical 10 year old sites and some others such as youtube. Bella likes to watch movie trailers or the parodies that are put together of some of her favorite characters to music or just some of her favorite music, such as, Miley Cyrus, Cheetah girls, etc......

We decided to look deeper into her viewing of Youtube just to check. What I saw astounded me and leaves a deep deep sorrow in the pit of my being. Bella started by searching for Barbie then she was looking for an old, but familiar and favorite character named Kim Possible. What seemed like a simple and innocent search turned into a parent's nightmare. As we clicked on each link of videos viewed it revealed the very characters she was searching for in very serious, x-rated condition. One video went as far as to show Barbie and Ken having physical relations while hitting one another. Now this was late and we haven't spoken to Bella about it, we plan to do so later today. I don't know how much of these videos she watched, but in my opinion even the slightest was too much and knowing that Bella is in a curious faze because of the normal physical changes in her it is likely that she watched.

We have done everything we can to talk with Bella about sex. To explain that it is a gift from God to be shared between a husband and a wife. That it is a beautiful way to show their love and a way to aid in the bringing of new life to a family. NOW, my beautiful, young, christian child has these images seared into her brain. Images that by no means depict what sex should be. I have been praying this morning on just how to handle this, just what to say and while I know I must turn it over, it stills saddens me so incredibly much that my daughter's first experience with intimacy is via horrific and deplorable videos on youtube.

So I warn you parents, while there are perfectly innocent videos on the site, there are those also posted by creators who does not think, nor care of the significant and long lasting ramifications of their desire to harden a children's character!!!!!!

The "I believe" bug

2008-11-20T10:14:00.007-06:00

I follow several blogs and found this on An Open Book and loved the idea...so here it goes.....

I believe I know God more and more every day.

I believe I am blessed with an incredible family.

I believe my husband is phenomenal.

I believe God moves mountains!

I believe St. Louis has surprised me.

I believe I will see snow this Christmas.

I believe that my friends are amazing!!!

I believe that chocolate milk is destined to end up on the floor.

I believe that three year olds are supposed to ruin clothes.

I believe that 10 year olds think they know everything.

I believe that cookies were meant to be devoured intimately.

I believe in Lysol!

I believe that highways are wonderful.

I believe that the letter "l" likes to stick.

I believe that dogs are among the best creatures created.

I believe that dog hair can hide anywhere!!!

I believe a little mess makes a home.

I believe in joy.

I believe that everything I need to know is biblical.

I believe in simplicity.

I believe Jesus Christ died for our sins.

I believe peanut butter is an essential part of a diet.

I believe age has it's privileges.

I believe Bella loves to talk.

I believe that I need to finish painting.

I believe that I could listen to music all day.

I believe in my prayer group.

I believe that God is in it!

I believe that there is nothing that can't be overcome!

I believe in LOVE!

I believe in Hope!

I believe in Grace!

I believe hearts change!

I believe families belong together!

I believe in babies!!

I believe its fun to play!

I believe that Dorian has the cutest ears ever!

I believe that construction crews find great pleasure in waking a neighborhood.

I believe the itsy bitsy spider is contagious!

I believe in peace!

I believe in streets of gold and crystal waters!

I believe in my prince of peace and king of glory!

Complacency

2008-11-16T19:27:00.002-06:00

Complacency - 1 : self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies.

This has heavily been in my heart this week. I have seen and heard much from society lately that is frightening to me. Our nation is currently in a serious state that has many people concerned about their futures, that I do not question. Our intentions or mindset during this time, however, is. Many times we are not holding ourselves accountable for what we have done or areas that we have contributed that have further complicated our own personal standing. We are quick to call to God for help and shortly after we find ourselves out of the pit, we fail to recognize God daily. We draw near when we need him, but when things are good or going the way we want, we no longer spend time with Him or in His word. We focus our energies on earthly things and people that we think will bring about the changes we need and get so wrapped on the right things to say, do and people to do them that we end up leaving God out. Our entire focus shifts, ultimately, to a very selfish perspective that is all about the "greater good". What is best for everyone. First of all, it is impossible to please EVERYONE. Our desires and wants as human beings change nearly daily, so what we think we want or need today will not be the same in a year. We excuse each other's sin as our way of saying we love one another, we want opportunities to be entirely equal across the board even when it goes against God's direct word. We spend so much time and energy on what we think we have a purpose for, but in reality we don't really stand for one thing. And in the end, it all comes down, again to individual desires. Though we think we are helping one another, will we really be there for one another in the end? Truly, ask that question. When everyone gets what they want, will they finally be content, or will they only want more. Something else to fill a lacking? Complacency is a sickness, a sin. Take this scripture from Revelations for example:

~Revelations 3:15-17 - "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked."~

First of all, how many times do we say things such as this - - "I did this, I did that, I have this....etc...". We fail to give it back, both in the glory and praise of it and in it's true physical sense. Also, how many of you like to drink lukewarm water? I would venture to guess that it is not your preferred tempertaure. It's shear taste is bland and disgusting. Most like it either cold or hot. This is a great example of believers in Christ that follow him in a half-hearted or indifferent way. Who consider themselves self-sufficient. Indifference leads to idleness, which goes entirely against God. He wants us to stand for something, His word clearly defines His will for us and we continue to seek a way that is entirely self satisfying, all the while thinking, we are loving one another and embracing one another. Think about it, would you knowingly throw a loved one into a fire? No, of course not, but how is going against God's word any different than that? It's not. We choose in this day and age to take apart God's word, we want Him with us when we think it's necessary, but any other time, when "we have it under control"....we are comfortable with the distance we put between God and ourselves.

The big question to ask yourself is, "What do I stand for?" and "Why?". Are we living each day looking forward to "that" day or are we just looking forward to tomorrow, to the change we "think" we need. Are we placing our hopes in earthly idols, following God only halfway? Or are we allowing our faith to burn and stir us into action for God? For the real greater good!!

Ribbons and Curls and Dresses that twirl....

2008-11-13T09:30:00.008-06:00

this is what my life is made of.

No matter the occassion or the simplicity of the day, it seems that I find myself surrounded by things of the girly nature. Lately, Soph is mad about a small tutu she has, she insists on wearing it with her leggings, pajamas, you name it. And I have absolutely no intention of denying her this right. In fact, as we speak, she is twirling and twirling in the room whilst her ponytails whip around her. It really is divine to watch, really! To see the pure enjoyment on her face, the pleasure she gets from something so incredibly uncomplicated. It is again, another moment in the many that remind me of the innumerable mercies and gifts I have been given. This is but tiny minutes in the big picture that provide such beautiful clarity for those things which really matter! Not the houses, or cars, not the trips or technology, and certainly not the rights or the wrongs....but the most fluid of moments when you are granted a new set of glasses. Glasses that allow you the ability to see one thing; you know what I am talking about - that glimpse of heaven. And just like many times this week, I can look at my 3 year old and realize a genuine peace and joy in her that is breathtaking, a sense that makes my heart melt with gratitude for the obviousness of God in my life!

"At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure." ~ Luke 10:21

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

We are back!

2008-11-11T14:13:00.002-06:00

And had a terrific time. There was not one thing I would change, short of another day! The girls even enjoyed themselves and had so much fun playing with their dolls.....of course, we had to hit the American Girl Place on Friday. Bella brought one of her dolls to have her hair "fixed" and Soph was in awe of the many dolls. In fact, she fell so in love with one that resembled her, Mart snuck away and purchased it, the big softy!!! Anyway, a great time was had by all. We truly fell in the love with the city and can not wait to go back!!

2008-11-07T08:13:00.002-06:00

Off to the Windy city with the family for a weekend. I am really looking forward to it. We've got lots of things planned, snacks and movies packed for the road and are ready to go. Although, I will add, that as much I as I am looking forward to it....I will personally be dressed like the abominable snowman himself....."cold" is not my friend! Back soon!

Emergency Warning Systems

2008-11-03T11:10:00.005-06:00

This morning the city of St. Louis decided to test all of the warning systems. So about 10am a loud voice could be heard coming from the sky telling residents that the alarms were about to sound and reiterating that there was no cause for concern. I watched as one of our dogs, Dory, began to go a wee bit crazy. So I brought him inside and began to comfort him, which got me thinking......what a great idea. A warning system; an alarm to tell each of us when something it about to go wrong, to give us the heads up to take shelter or procede with caution. Like an internal alarm....you know......"warning - you're about to trip over that curb", or "warning -you're about to say something stupid!". I mean wouldn't that be brilliant? Something that resounds in your mind and just blares the instant you think something idiotic or utter words that should never be spoken. My, wouldn't that save us alot of aggravation and embarrassment? Come to think of it, I guess we've already got one, the Holy Spirit! But as hard headed as I can be, on occassion, I could really use the blare instead of the oh so gentle tug!!! ;)

A sure fire way to feel old......

2008-10-24T14:42:00.003-05:00

You know those moments, they are plentiful....but it seems that you notice them even more when you have kids. For instance, there is something I know about myself, something that I know I just shouldn't EVER do, I pay for it everytime.....and still I do it.

I twirl and twirl with Soph as if I am 3 again. I get such pleasure in hearing her giggle. She absolutely loves to fall to the ground in a dizzy stuper.....Me? Well, after two turns, I fall to the ground with great nausea and develope the lovely headache that comes shortly after, leaving me the rest of the day exhausted. What is up with that?

Children, while incredibly wonderful and such gifts, are life's sure way to remind you of your limitations. I think my husband can even attest to this; just ask him about the time he challenged Bella to a headstand competition!!! LOL!

Ambassadors.....

2008-10-18T19:06:00.005-05:00

My husband and I were asked to speak to a congretation at our church's Wentzville location tomorrow. We know the minister; he and his wife have been so loving and wonderful to us in our transition and in our reconcilliation. I don't know exactly what to expect tomorrow, although I know that Rick said he will call us up at some point so we can share our story. He talked about how fantastic our experience is and thought it would really benefit some of his members.

Wow, what an opportunity! I am so pleased to be able to share our hardships and victories so that others can see the work God does. How marvelous it is, to explain that God is so able and that it is so important to turn our attention to Him, to allow Him to work. To share that the good Lord saw us through the many rough spots in our marriage and seperations. That it is only because of Him that we are united as a family under one roof now. Sure, there are moments, in our story that can be uncomfortable for the two of us, if we choose to look at it in an earthly way. There are many points to our story alone, that I know as a woman, some have thought of me as "weak". Most women would have chosen to walk away, they wouldn't have looked back, in fact, I've been told that, many times!! BUT it doesn't concern me, instead how fantastic is it to be able to say "See, see what God can do!"

The least my husband and I can do is give glory to Him and let everyone we meet know that He deserves our praises, that He deserves our daily attention, that He deserves the best we have to give everyday, that because of what He has done there is no limit to what we should do.

Nervous? Yes. Deliriously delighted? Absolutely!

~2 Corinthians 5:20 - We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.~

Even the dreariest of days...

2008-10-07T12:30:00.017-05:00

I woke today to the sound of little footsteps. The size 9er's wandered to my bedside and as I pulled the comforter over to make room, I noticed my husband was already up. I pulled my sweet Sophie Grace in bed to cuddle a couple of minutes when I recalled a promise to Bella that I would curl her hair for school pictures. Which is beyond comprehension, since she already has incredible wavy locks, and the thought of them alone make me chuckle. It's interesting, human nature is most often to want what we don't have; more money, smaller thighs, a better car, and yes even curls! But as the thoughts and images rolled briefly through my head I was reminded one more time that God has blessed me abundantly. I smiled, grabbed Soph and meandered downstairs to find my wonderful husband trying to hush the two canine maniacs, otherwise known as Zeke and Dory.

As soon as I saw him, my Marty, there was a hush in my soul. The Good Lord placed it there for good reason. It is one year ago this month that my husband and I seperated for one final time, with the intention of divorce. The girls and I packed and left our home in New Orleans on way to Louisville, Ky. God has blessed me to overcome many things over the years, but that was a time that tried even the strongest part of my heart. I silenced my mind and diligently worked to see everyone off this morning and run a couple of errands. All the while, listening to complaints about the dreariness of the day.

Shortly after coming back home, I sat for a few minutes of reflection. I remembered a scripture God brought to my attention over and over the past year; Mark 10:27 NIV "...With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." All these years, married, I had hoped and prayed for my husand's salvation. I have seen God allow miracles in my life in so many ways. For starters the rescue of my youngest child's life, twice, and through my father's death. I have known Him personally for many years and known the possibilities, but after so long, I began to doubt that my husband's salvation would be something I would see as his wife. I wanted to, with all my heart, but it didn't seem to be in the cards and for the first time I began to accept it. I was ready to turn over my marriage and admit defeat. While God comforted me in my decision and calmed my soul, He had other plans. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." So in typical divine fashion and unbeknownest to me, the Good Lord was preparing my groom. God was calling his name with great clarity and on a cold, winter day, my beloved finally answered.

It is in simple moments each day, even in grey, wet form like this one that my heart waits with every beat, the Lord by my side, for my new husband to come home. Days like this remind me of Psalm 37:4 NIV "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

With every drop of rain I am reminded that He has not forsaken me or you, that with God all things are possible; doors open and mountains move!

~Psalm 145: 1-3 NIV "I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom." ~

Pins and needles - okay, just needles!

2008-10-06T12:27:00.006-05:00

Saturday was a great day! Mart and I had plans to go to a fundraiser and I had been looking forward to our time out all week. The sitter came and we were off. We attended the function where we had great food, listened to a fabulous musician and had a table with the best view of the arch! Afterwards, we went to a chocolate bar where we both had two amazing desserts and then we were off to Mart's hotel to check out the live jazz in the restaurant, it was a terrific time.

Shortly after getting home, Mart locked up the house and I went upstairs to kiss the girls. I wandered back in to Bella's room a second time to close the window and as I was passing through my foot met something that left an amazing ache. I dropped to the floor and asked Marty to turn the light on, Bella had woken. I explained that I didn't know what I stepped on but thought part of it was in my foot. In an instant, Mart found the culprit....a sewing needle that must have fallen out of a box we had been unpacking. My first thought was that I was so thankful it didn't get one of the girls or dogs, or even Mart. I hobbled into the bathroom where Marty attempted to take it out...gotta tell you strange sound and feeling when you hear steel being scraped in your own foot. Despite his effort we were unsuccessful and I opted to sleep on it for the night...hoping by some miracle it would be better in the morning. By the time I woke it was worse and with one touch realized it was best to head to the ER. After much time, xrays, meds, and needles, including a tetanis shot, the doctor performed minor foot surgery on me and removed the needle. It was larger than we thought, just over a centimeter and had gone into my foot about an inch and a half. The doctor told me that she takes injuries like that very seriously, which I greatly appreciate, but when she told me she was considering keeping me overnight to get a great number of IV meds in I was shocked. She was really concerned about infection, due to the many layers of tissue the needle passed through, but after determining that she had gotten all of it and feeling like I had received a significant amount of meds already, she agreed to let me go home under alot of promises and conditions - not to mention the horse size 500 mg pill I need to take three times a day.

Marty and the girls were amazing. The girls weren't allowed in the back so Bella took care of Sophie in the waiting room and after awhile, Marty and I decided it best if he take them home and try to find someone that could look after them. Eventually he did and by the time he made it back to the hospital it was done and over and was only a short time until I was discharged. I was plum worn out by the time we got home around 4 PM yesterday, between the actual incident and the percocet it didn't surprise me.

I'll tell ya though, I think my time in the ER was more peaceful than what Mart experienced that afternoon! LOL! What could have been a yucky experience turned into some nice peaceful moments......nearly like that in a spa......I said NEARLY!!!!

So today, I am just tired, and my shoulder is really sore from my tetanis shot. My foot is definitely tender, but well on it's way....looking forward to the stiches coming out in 9 days!! I plan to take full advantage of the doctor's advice and enjoy bathing this week. Wonder if the 5 day "work release" she gave me applies to laundry and dinners......hmmmmmmmm??!!

Drorings

2008-09-29T09:28:00.002-05:00

Last night something amazing occurred in our home. An opportunity to be a part of something so beautiful I was overwhelmed with joy! It was so simple and yet so beautiful that I am still beaming just thinking about it. Some of you know there are some difficulties with Soph, some areas that are still a work in progress, although she is turning corners in incredible ways. She is still home with me and while we read, color, draw (or as she says dror), she knows her shapes and so much more, she has never made an attempt or the effort to draw her own picture. She will happily color one in, but has been limited on designing her work of art.

Well, while Mart and I were preparing bowls of cake and ice cream in the kitchen, sweet Sophie Grace came running in asking us to look at her "drorings". What we expected to be the perfect, but typical squiggles of art ended up being two beautiful masterpieces. Completely accomplished on her own with no input or help from anyone. They are faces, with hair and eyes, ears and on one, legs. What a milestone to reach. Thank you God for another speechless moment!!

So like any mother, I have to share what my little Van Gogh created. I am so proud!

Candles on the cake!

2008-09-24T14:28:00.004-05:00

So today is my birthday, yep, 37! Simply put, this is by far one of the best birthdays. Today has been filled with so much, and the amazing thing about them, is that even if it wasn't my birthday, they would still be incredible moments.

The best gift I have ever been gifted is faith in God. It truly is a gift, I am more and more aware daily as I age, that it is something not everyone has. I wouldn't trade it for anything and no amount of money, material item or hugs and kisses could compare. Faith is something that is so indescribable, so incredibly beautiful.

I knew when I made the decision to see my marriage through that God would provide and that I would see reason behind ALL things, but the blessings that he has bestowed in me and for me and my family just bring me to tears near daily. God has given me a testimony that truly proves he exchanges ashes for beauty. Words can not express all I have in my soul and yet my soul can not contain the love and gratitude I feel.

So today I want to say thank you to God. Thank you for all that is and has been my life. For my husband, who truly is amazing. Wow, that feels so good to say and mean, you have no idea. There are changes in this man that are there only because God placed them. Changes that I couldn't have conceived of, emotions that are relentless in their reminders of mercy, a life I have always dreamed of. And it is only because God saw fit that we have it. So for any of you enduring anything in life, know, know with great passion that with God anything is possible. Anything!!!

I know that I am precious! And I know today, on my birthday that God is as near to me as the day of my birth. I know that he smiles at my peace and rejoices with me daily. There is a daily dance in my heart and my Lord and Savior provides the remarkable tune!

~Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; … 3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. 4 And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations. … 9 And their seed shall be known among the Gentiles, and their offspring among the people: all that see them shall acknowledge them, that they are the seed which the LORD hath blessed. …
~62:3 Thou shalt also be a crown of glory in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of thy God." Isa 61:1 - 62:3 (KJV)

Grace

2008-09-22T17:16:00.002-05:00

Just gotta say today I continue to be amazed by the grace God gives me on a daily basis! Life is good and God is better!!!

I finally found who I've been looking for!!

2008-09-17T09:53:00.007-05:00

Okay for starters refer to the "Cat-tastophe" story should you need more info and to know how we got here. That said, most of you know that I had a dog named Laddie. He was my wedding gift from Martin and truly the best dog I have ever had. When he died due to bone cancer on December 26, 2003 I felt like I lost a baby. And I have missed him every day since. I wasn't ready to even think about looking for another dog until some time last year. I would peruse the ads and online sites looking for just the right one. The girls picked out their dog Zeke last November and have been happy with him since, but I was still aching for my Laddie.

After not being able to find out about the cat the other day the girls and I went to Animal Control to try to find it and see for ourselves. The first thing that stunned me was the number of animals. I was overwhelmed. I will say the facilities were clean and the people so nice, they truly seemed to care about these creatures, but I saw animals that were so pitiful my heart broke. We walked into the main area and my head turned to cage 24. A black and brown fuzzy dog just laying. He lifted his head when I came by, but other than that was not reactive. I inquired about him and the woman there told me that she thought he was going to be adopted. So I smiled and put my hand to the cage and moved on. We found the cats, but could not find the black and white kitty from the night before. We played with many of the cats. In fact there was one that kept grabbing my shoulder...he was beautiful. We decided it was time to go and on our way out stopped back by number 24, the name on his cage was Dorian. He put his head to the door so that I could feel it, beautiful....just beautiful. I couldn't help it, the tears just started coming. So I pulled myself together and walked back through. We passed through the runs and there were full bred dogs there.....3 full grown "Turner and Hootch" dogs. All 3 with eye problems...two of them couldn't even see, they were at their gates sniffing us like crazy. More tears.

We decided it was truly time to leave, but as we walked past reception I asked about "24". Their information reflected that he was available, but I chose to walk out and head home. The last thing we needed was another dog. When I got the girls in the car there was a huge tug on my heart. I called Marty and he told me "if he is what you want, get him." I couldn't believe he was so open about the idea. I took the girls back in and asked to walk him. We spent about ten minutes with him and I fell in love. I filled out the application and agreed to wait until the following day for approval. After alot of waiting, I got the call. He was ours, Dorian was ours.

Soph and I went to get him about 4pm. He is very calm and uncertain. He had been in that cage for 4 months and appears to have been mistreated prior, so we have our work cut out for us. BUT his eyes tell such a story that it speaks to my heart in a way I can not explain. I feel like he was waiting for us this whole time to bring him home. We know nothing about him, he could be between 3 and 4 years old and he has a slight limp, and is terribly underweight with matted fur. He is a little "escape artist" but he is trying so hard to trust it is nothing short of beautiful. I hope to get him into the vet in the next few days. But they won't tell me anything I need to know. What I know is, he is who I have been looking for, he is supposed to be with us and he is finally HOME!!

Welcome home Dorian!!

Cat - tastrophe!!

2008-09-15T15:01:00.002-05:00

We had a church event last night and were running late. We hopped in the car and about 1 block from the house noticed a little boy, I would say between 5 & 7 looking as if he was "up to no good". We drove by slowly when we noticed that he was holding a cat. I continued to watch and became so upset when I saw that he was trying to force the cat's head in between the rod iron rales of a fence. I told Marty what it looked like to me and he slowed further as I watched closer. I was stunned with the boy walked out into the road and threw the cat into the curbside sewer. Marty u-turned in the road and before he could come to a complete stop I hopped out and asked this boy knowing full well what had happened, "what did you do with the cat son?" - he shook his head and told me, "It just fell in". I told him that I saw what he had done, that it was horrible. He continued to yell that it had fallen in. And I continued to say "Honey, I know exactly what happened. I saw the whole thing." By this point, Mart had gotten out of the car and began to address him also while I leaned into the sewer to look for the cat. I couldn't see it, but as I called out to it it would meow loudly, as if crying. It broke my heart. A couple of adults walked over to see what was going on just as the boy ran into his home crying.

We explained and one of them called 911 and informed us someone would arrive shortly. I knew it wouldn't be a priority. Unfortunately, with the storm that passed through and the outages crews were busy. The last thing they had time for was a cat, but we stayed and hoped we would see them come. Within 10 minutes we flagged down a passing police officer who came over and was so tiny it blew me away that she was a St. Louis cop. She was so sweet and reiterated that the day hadn't been the best across the board. After explaining the whole thing she agreed to stay until animal control came and took care of the cat. We all agreed that we needed to head to church.

All night all we could think about was that poor cat. We had been told that the cat was following the boy all day. They didn't think it belonged to anyone and it broke my heart further to think that this stray who had been so trusting was so mistreated. It is my hope that when the boy's parents arrived home that they addressed the whole thing with him. I know it is a fine line between animal abuse and abuse to people. Several times we admitted that we had the thought of adopting this cat, but agreed that we have never had a cat and don't know the first thing about them so also agreed that it wasn't feasable.

That said, I have called animal control and the humane society to try to find out how the cat is and neither place can tell me anything. I think I might just have to take a look for myself!!! Poor kitty!

Day 2 in pictures - The Bella Perspective

2008-09-14T15:44:00.033-05:00

A little late, but this is the next day in pictures. Almost entirely taken from a 10 year old's perspective!

On our way downtown for an unexpected trip to the dentist. This is Purina's headquarters.

The Arch and the St. Louis Cardinals stadium!

Back to the hotel for the "drop off". Leaving Soph with Dad so that Bella and I can go.

Red and a movie - what more could a girl want?

Pink Jellies!

Red waits too!

Gotta plot the walk!

The arch is always peaking!

Bella loved that the sidewalk was "sparkly".

Not just any pigeon...the mother of ALL pigeons!

A statue on olive street!

I love love love that Bella appreciates the old architecture!!!

Floor 18 - Dr. Bartles!

Bella's upside down portrait!
The kid's got character, what can I say!!

Mom's purse! Don't ask, I don't know!

An after school trip to the grocery!

(BTW, Why there are so many different grocery stores in this country is beyond me!)

Nanners!

She wouldn't be Bella if she didn't find something sweet!

Ready for check out!

Brrrrrr!

So not happy with me!

Sharing mint "choca" chip ice "Keem"

Bath time for Gracies!

Plum worn out! Although she'd never admit it!;)

The war zone...uh, play room!

They DO breed!!!!!!!!!!

So do these!!!!!

And today's line up by Sophie is.........

Getting ready for bed!

The things we mothers have to do are like pulling teeth! Literally! ;)

Oh the sweet sound of slumber!!!

How does she breathe???

A couple days in the life....

2008-09-09T13:49:00.051-05:00

Just thought a portion of the week in pictures would be a good place to start this week....Here's the start of all things done and seen!!!

Day 1, Tuesday, September 9, 2008

A sample of Sophie's work...we find this sort of thing everywhere....you can see how each item is spaced almost the same distance apart and seperated by type!:)

The Shoe line up at the door! Notice the miss matched princess shoes!

Hanging out in the playroom before the day starts!

The Giant Sunflowers we pass everyday in the community garden!

"Welcome!"

Zeke is happy to see us home from taking Bella to school!

A quick trip to see Dad at the hotel!

A side trip to the Mod cafe for a Mocha - this is the ceiling in the building!

Soph has been waiting for this movie to come out! We ran to rent it right away! It's been on ALL day! OKay, so maybe not ALL day!

Part of the building at Bella's school! Time for pickup!

Trip to the park to feed the swans and ducks!

"Aaaaah! The Playground!"

Static city!

Part of the Garden Bridge at Lafayette Park!

Some of the row houses on the square!

Our "neigborhood"

"Home Sweet Home"

A Sophie size hook!

A Special snack time!

The infamous Cinderella dress! Soph wears this everywhere!

Home in time for dinner!

Yummy St. Louis Root Beer!

Part of dinner - an italian loaf with basil spread, fresh green tomatoes, romas, sweet yellow peppers, goat cheese and topped with honey roasted ham! Mmmmmm!

Looking up the Dentist's info for an emergency run in the am for Bella!

Oh yeah! She puts the shoes on to go outside, but they immediately come off when she hits the ground!

The rehabbers that work on the roof every night at the house behind us!

Spelling review!

Wind down cuddle time with Soph after bath!

Time with Dad before bed!

We are up!

2008-09-04T11:22:00.003-05:00

Hi all! We are officially in St. Louis. Soph and I ended up not getting here until Saturday which worked out to be a blessing. While it was so tough for me to say good-bye to my family in Louisville, this is a chapter in my life I truly look forward to and am excited that it only takes me four and a half hours away, versus across the country (this time).

The movers themselves were excellent, by far, the best I have seen in 16 major moves. They packed up, loaded and were off on Thursday, delivered our load on Friday after delivering a load in Kansas City. So far, nothing is broken and everything is accounted for. Would use them again in a heartbeat.

Mart handled the load in on Friday for me and by the time Soph and I got here on Saturday, he and Bella had already done so much. It is so nice, actually beyond words to have his help on this. The house is wonderful and has so much room...basements really come in handy for putting off those boxes ya just aren't ready to find a place for yet and our neighbors on both sides have already introduced themselves and seem terrific. We were invited to a BBQ on this past Sunday night and have a sitter lined up for this Sunday night. Mart arranged all of it.....it seems we'll be at "the landing" in downtown St. Louis to enjoy the Go-go's...yes the original Go-go's - he thought it would be fun - - I am so looking forward to it - - - reliving the 80's! LOL! I did hear him tell the sitter we'll be home no later than 11pm since it's a school and work night - - we're such old foagies!!

Anyway, all is well! Really well! Will continue to update, but for now, off to unpack more boxes......is it possible that they breed when I'm not looking??

St. Louis or Bust!!

2008-08-27T11:01:00.002-05:00

Today is the start of "moving day". The packers should be here any minute and we'll be en route to St. Louis on Friday. Bella is already there....she started school yesterday and told me that it was "awesome"! So all is looking well. Mart and she are settled, as much as possible, as they could be - without cable - LOL!

And we will be there soon - - - so I will be out of commission for a week or so, but hopefully up quicker than I think!!

Take care and "talk" soon!!!

Dandelions

2008-08-20T16:26:00.005-05:00

I had to share a thought that Bella had. At first I wasn't sure what she was getting at, but then she explained and I loved it.

Our conversation:

Bella - "Dandelions are a good representitive of a baptism Mom."

Me - "why is that?"

Bella - "Well, they start out Gold like God's love for all of us is Golden. And then they grow to be these changed creatures with that love and eventually are blown to scatter around the world and spread and share God's love and word."

Me - yet again, speechless!!! Isn't she magnificent!!

Bella's Baptism

2008-08-17T21:32:00.001-05:00

It was a truly beautiful day. The day started and Bella was immediately excited. She was wearing the cross necklace my mother had given her as a gift the night before and was thrilled that today was her day. She hugged me at one point and said, "I can't believe I'm going to be baptized today." I just smiled and said, that I couldn't either, but I was so proud.

On our way to church at 4PM, Bella began to get really nervous.
She was so quiet in the car, just playing with her necklace that when I asked how she was there were tears in her eyes. We talked about it and than began to tease her to help ease her mind. By the time we actually got to church I think she was relieved to be there. We walked into the Sanctuary, which in our church is enormous, we found seats quickly, got Soph settled in her room and went out to the foyer to
meet family. Before long the service began, as I sat waiting for Bella I began to tear up, just thinking about the step she was taking, how far she had come, and how much faith, at even just 10, she has. Before long she and Marty came out with the others that were being baptized, dressed in white and in the baptismal. She had a huge smile on her face and looked so ready. Marty, on the other hand, looked so nervous. I know that he was thrilled to be able to baptize his daughter. Having accepted Christ himself recently and undergone a baptism by immersion himself he
knew exactly what this meant. Our church is one that fully believes in the parental support of children and faith and encouraged him to fully participate. He held back tears as he struggled a bit to get the words out but he did. I know the thoughts that raced through his mind; just months ago, he might not have even been there, let lone been given the privilege of baptising his own child.
In a flash Bella went under and came out of the water beaming. She immediately developed tears in her eyes and was so overwhelmed with emotion the rest of the day.
We have been gifted a child that from day one has been a blessing to us. She is more than I imagined and I am so grateful that the Good Lord has entrusted me with such a precious gem. Bella, your Dad and I are so proud of your decision and know you have been waiting so long for this. I would love to say that the road will be smooth and free of bumps, but you know better than that. There will be challenging times dear girl and moments that will challenge the core of you, but it is my biggest hope for you that you enable God to guide you. That you turn you eyes upward, cast all your cares and walk with peace and grace even through the hottest of fires. If there was ever a spirit that I knew could do it, it's you beautiful girl ~ YOU!

~Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.~Romans 6:4

Personality

2008-08-14T08:23:00.002-05:00

Bella has a habit of teasing me.....wonder where she gets it? Anyway, she will occassionally jokingly refer to me as "woman". That said, here is a conversation my 3 year old and I had last night.....mind you in Sophie speak (aka, "still not entirely clear")

Me - "Sophie Grace, you need to get ready to take a bath soon."

SG - "a bath?"

Me - "yes, a bath!"

SG - "'kay! But I not go to bed yet, Woman!"

Me - speechless!!

Me......

2008-08-07T22:53:00.007-05:00

There is again, much change in my life.....and so I thought I would just include a note I sent out to my prayer group this week....it pretty much sums it up!

~Hi all! I have been so behind on this this week, and for that I apologize. I hope this finds each of you well. It seems that as the summer closes more and more things are happening for each of us, but I s'pose that is normal. I have been struggling this week with just what to say. I knew what I wanted to cover, but have been looking for the words. So bare with me!

For starters I wanted to share that the girls and I will be moving soon. We are going to St. Louis. Yes that is where Marty is. We already have a house there and are looking for someone to take over our property here, so I am expecting that to happen any day now. Some of you know the circumstances of my life over these past years, at least with regards to my relationship. I have always been open and willing share, for the most part, because I believe we go through things so that others may learn from them as well...they are not just for us to keep, but to share. That said, this decision did not come easy to me. In fact, it was first revealed to me as far back as May and I have fought it to some degree since. I didn't decide to follow this path until about three weeks ago. And let me just say that God has clearly revealed to me that this is to be. As I have always said of my circumstances I do not know what is to come and I will not waste anytime trying to figure it out...God has proven time and time again that when I do that, I am always wrong. When I first came to Louisville I knew that the Lord was telling me to leave my husband, but I also knew that he was not telling me to divorce him. So I waited and waited. Until one day in late winter I took it into my own hands and decided I was "done" waiting. Not long after that things sped up for me. Before long I was faced with a situation I never imagined. Albeit incredibly wonderful and uplifting I was overwhelmed. So I turned as much of my energy as I could to focusing on what God needed from me. What was it he was asking me to see in this?

Most of you know that I am someone who came to Christ in the midst of difficulty many years ago and did the work on my own. Since, I have done all that I could to remain on the path that I believe He wrote for me. I have seen Him every step of the way; in the loss of my father, serious financial concerns, job loss, problematic pregnancies, the near loss of a child (twice) and so on. Each area of my life I have looked at as an opportunity to draw closer to God, so it was only natural that I do the same this time. Although I admit, because of some of the rawness in my emotions, I pulled back more than I care to say. I began to ask, for the first time in a long time, "why" - "why should I do this?", "why now", "what could you possibly want me to do this for?". But I noticed as I began to question more, I began to get more and more angry. There were times over the past 3 months that I purposely asked those near to me to avoid me - I wanted only to hear from God and I was convinced that wasn't going to happen with so many voices coming at me otherwise.

In March, Marty had, what he has termed an encounter. This brought him so close to God that as he speaks of it, he often cries and he has not been the same. I was not convinced at first and did everything over the months to find out just how I could determine if this change was real change. And every person in ministry I spoke with reaffirmed the same things. Amazingly enough all things I was seeing in Marty. But I chose to not take part in his journey. I wanted to be certain that his journey was about him and God and that it was not there for me, because of me. I needed to know that he wasn't doing this so that I would come back.

In these months, I have seen my husband lead ALANON groups, I have seen him baptised by immersion, I have listened to him speak at his church about his changes...and for the first time in the 16 years that I have known him I have seen him take responsibility. Recently a friend asked him, in front of me, "so, you've really changed?" - he answered quickly, "no - I've been exchanged" He believes that God showed him so much mercy that he performed a spiritual surgery on his soul....he removed all the anger, the aggression, the jealousies, the stress, the pain - took him back to a child and allowed him to become new.

Over this year I have had great pleasure taking part of a ministry that deals with crisis, in several areas, but one is marriage. I know that it wasn't ironic and at first I was so frustrated, but I believed I was were I was to be, so to speak. In that time, I have learned even more than I thought possible. I have always had a great deal of compassion for my husband, for his life growing up, for what he endured....sometimes to a fault. But I learned how truly difficult that is for some to overcome. Yes there are those that do easily, but genetic makeup is all different, so it proves more diffucult for others. After 23 years burried Marty has been able to forgive his father, after nearly 40 years as his mother he was able to "let go" in the most loving and responsible way I have witnessed to her on our recent trip.

So after all my rambling, many of you do not agree with my choice. Friends and family alike, but that is okay. I don't expect you to. This is my path and I refuse to vary off of it. For those of you who have been so critical of Marty, he is no different than you or someone you know and love. Remember John 8:7 "...if any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone.." God weighs all our sins equally. They are all sin. And as God loves him so shall I. And I do, in abundant ways.

As I mentioned, this decision has been difficult on me. There are days that I am overwhelmed with much emotion, but I always remember there is a plan - Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I know God is holding me and I know that he will work great wonders for me and hopefully through me. I assure you that I am not weak, that I am strong in faith and perseverance. I KNOW what I am doing and do not worry about the future. Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

My mind is on the big prize and if believing in marriage, in my marriage, is such a part of that, then sign me up - as a great song asks, "who told us we would be rescued, what has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares, we're asking why this happens, to those of us who have died to live, it's unfair." No one ever said choosing to be a christian would make everything easier, on the contrary, choices which seem so easy for society challenge us near daily now and I just want to be found standing in the midst. It's not entirely about what I WANT, but it is about what I am called to do, and saving this marriage is part of that. And I assure you I know with great clarity that this is the road I am to choose. So do not worry, do not fear for my family, just loves us, all of us and know that all will always be well. I know there is still so much work ahead, I know this is just the beginning, but I also know great things will come.

A wonderful friend shared a study on Esther with me (Thanks MT). I was already familiar with her, but have never studied the book. The timing couldn't have been better.....it helped to remind me, as I have been time and time again, God calls us to do things that do not make sense, that are not logical.

In closing I want to share a verse that was revealed to me in so much prayer over this, Nehemiah 2:5 "...If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city of Judah where my fathers are buried so that I can rebuild it." God believes in rebuilding, He believes in this...I know it with my whole heart and no matter what the future holds, I will not regret doing what God calls me to do.....but I would always regret not doing it.

Love to you all! And as always, thinking of each of you!!

B

Vacation

2008-08-07T08:09:00.009-05:00

Finally I am getting around to putting something down. My mind has been in other places. Mart met the girls and I in Louisville and we all drove up to New York together to spend time with his family. Only two of them had met Soph so it was nice to be a part of her seeing 87 year old Papa for the first time among the others. Our neice Sarah, who just turned 11, is such a surprise. She is so sweet and wonderful, but now towering over everyone....it's not a good feeling...she is 5'9", so she has two inches on me and I'm not liking it one bit. It's hard to believe she is only 7 months older than my Bella. They are such good kids and every time they are together, get along wonderfully.

We had a great time, so instead of writing about it, I thought I would just put it in pictures.

Back tracking a bit!

2008-08-04T07:40:00.002-05:00

Before I put anything about our recent vacation I want to do a small ode to my 14 year old Nephew, Chandler. He is a terrific kid; smart, athletic, great heart.....we have had the pleasure of watching him, as well as my other nephew Griffin, play ball this year - each season a new sport. Right before we left for our trip we went to his final baseball game. He has been with this team since about 1st grade they have done very well together and alot of the boys also play soccer with him. Anyway, at his new high school he will not be trying out for baseball so this was truly his last game....at least for now....and I am so proud to report that they won! AND it was the city championship!!! So they are the new city champs!!! I am so proud of him!!! Way to go Chandler!

Also to add, he tried out for the soccer team with his new school. It was a long shot because it is an all boy's private school that tends to get many many athletic kids and with only 20 spots on the team and more than 40 boys trying out he made it. He worked so hard and I couldn't be more proud. It was great when I found out, he sent me a text while he was in the meeting with the coaches to let me know that he made it!!! Yay! Can't wait to watch the first game later this month!

Vacation in NY

2008-07-27T09:36:00.001-05:00

Yay! Literally on vacation in NY right now! Weather is beautiful and the drive both days was a piece of cake. The girls were awesome!! Anyway, more to come when we are back on Saturday, the 2nd.

Expecting God's Miracles

2008-07-21T09:48:00.003-05:00

So life doesn't always turn out the way we plan. I can admit that on many levels. But as I had the privilage to lead a women's crisis group in church on Thursday I was reminded of one of the most simple ways to see change ~ Expect it.

One of the women wants change greatly in her life. There are specifics for her and she asks to receive them daily, but adds that she is by no means ready to receive them yet. I paused and thought about what to say. I explained to her that by saying that she is telling God, "I want the great things that you have in store for me, just not yet." We get so egotistical and selfish that we forget who is ultimately in control and who knows best. I told her that she needs to prepare herself to receive miracles. That instead of saying I have to work on the house, or get in shape or touch this or that up, we must proceed with action. God can only meet us as far as our hearts will let Him. She seemed to receive what I had to say well and in conversation with her briefly this weekend I can see that she is attempting. I can't wait to hear what continues to happen for her.

So I decided to put this to test in my life. I live by this creed daily, but there are areas that can always use a little adjustment, one being our current living arrangements. I kept saying, I know God will provide what I need, I just need to do my part and ready the house and yard and list the house, in other words, "I'll get to it tomorrow". Well, I decided to list the house anyway. Less than 24 hours later and with lots to do, there are many families interested.

My point is, God provides, miracles happen - we just have to do our part!!!

Psalm 37:4 ~ Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Pikeville

2008-07-13T09:17:00.003-05:00

Soph and I are off to visit my sister in Pikeville today. We are looking forward to it. We haven't seen them in about 4 months I think. She has three beautiful and crazy girls, one is Soph's age, in fact, she was born when Soph should have been! Sophie will have so much fun with them, which is good timing....she is really starting to miss Bella - - we are counting down the days til she comes home.....6! Well tata for now we'll be back on Tuesday or Wednesday!!

The Bar Method

2008-07-09T21:52:00.002-05:00

Oh my goodness! It's perfect, sheer perfection! I have always loved pilates! Done them in some form since I was in high school.....however since Soph I haven't been "on board" in the way I normally would and in the last 10 months have totally fallen off the wagon. Well I recently discovered this fairly new program....it combines traditional pilates with an elevated level of exercises that focuses on even more core muscles!! Unfortunately there are not any studios in this area and the closest one is in Chicago....but I am hopeful. Looking forward to the DVD's, but in the meantime have figured out many of the focused exercises on my own......can not wait to be back on track. I have noticed a difference just in the last few days....crossing my fingers that I can keep up the momentum and be back to myself in no time!!! Just had to share!! Yay!

The Bar Method

Welcome Home Sophie Grace

2008-07-05T13:00:00.014-05:00

3 years today Sophie Grace came home from the hospital! Even as time passes I remember this day with great clarity. It was like any other day; Bella woke and got ready to go to camp, Marty and I were moving around the house getting dressed for the day, I cleaned, and we were out the door. Mart took Bella and I was off to see Soph. I had been told, just the day before, on the 4th of July that we would be able to take her home on the 5th. BUT a day before that, we were told they were not certain which would be the day. In fact, on the night of the 3rd I got to sleep in a parent suite at the hospital with Soph so that I could experience a night with her and care for her with the aid of the nurses when I needed it. What I had hoped would be uneventful proved to be just the opposite, she dsatted the entire night. I left that morning in tears. So as excited as I was about bringing her home I was reserved at the possibility. There was already so much in her short life that didn't go the way we expected so I just thought it wise to prepare myself for the potential of bad news. I was optimistic that she would come home eventually, but just wanted to be at peace with when. I walked into the NICU, washed my hands, walked down the hall and rounded the corner to her station. Her nurses greeted me immediately with huge smiles. "So today is the day, are you ready?" one of them asked, "is it really? I mean REALLY?" I asked very uncertainly. Waiting for the answer with baited breath she grabbed my arm and responded, "Yep, you can take your baby home!" I can't tell you the emotion that began to wash over me as I walked to her bedside, put my bag down, and looked at my little girl in a way I hadn't been able to before. She was okay and she was going to be sleeping in my home that night, I would get to feed her and bath her and hold her. I didn't have to ask for permission or cry each time I left her side. I would no longer have to wonder what I would be missing while I wasn't with her. She was going to be right beside me.

After I spent time with her I stepped out to call Marty and let him know. We made arrangements to meet back home so that we could pick her up together and leave together.

When we walked in to get her, she was ready - the nurses placed her in her going home outfit, all of her items and tags were in a bag and her medical records in an envelope. I very carefully picked Soph up, put her in her carseat and walked out with her. I remember leaving and turning to look at the nurses, when we got to the large metal doors I stopped and looked back. The stations were beeping, the lights were lowered, the large picture windows that covered the entire back walls were swept with sunlight. I half expected someone to come to us and say, "wait a second, you can't go yet." - but no one came. I remember my heart skipped a bit when I walked through those doors. I was happy to be taking my tiny baby home, but was also sad to leave a place that had become home to us for awhile. The nurses and doctors took such phenominal care of our gift that I could never possibly thank them enough.

She has grown alot in 3 years! She is bold and sometimes abrasive, she giggles and cries, she sings and dances, she walks and runs, she is sweet and loving. Looking at Sophie I am always reminded just how precious life is, just how important it is to value our families, our children and the people that support us. And most importantly how pivotal it is to turn it all over and thank the good Lord each day for blessing me with the whole experience.....without Him Sophie woudn't be, without Him, my family wouldn't be, without Him, nothing would be. So to end on a Sophie note, in conversation with her earlier regarding this day I reminded her that she came home to us three years ago and with a gigantic grin on her face and her arms up she simply replied ~ "I am all better now!"~

~Luke 2:40~ ...And the child grew and became strong, he was filled with wisdom and the grace of God was upon him...

Yesterday

2008-07-03T14:54:00.002-05:00

Just have to post a little note. Yesterday was my 14th wedding anniversary and I celebrate! Not because of where I have been or what I have been through, but because of where I am going and what the good Lord is going to do with it!

This relationship has produced in me a faith that I am quite sure would not exist without it. I am thankful, I am strong and I am joy-filled, looking forward to what is to come.

"Mom, it's me....."

2008-07-01T09:52:00.004-05:00

So Bella is gone. At this moment she is in Kalamazoo, Michigan, but will be leaving there today for Charlotte, North Carolina where she will be spending a couple of weeks with her all time best friend. She was so excited last week in preperation for it. Everyday, "Mom don't forget to do my laundry", "Mom, I don't think I have enough underwear for two weeks", "Mom, do you think I'll be swimming alot?" - - it was excessive, but I was so happy for her. She hasn't spent a week away from home in a few summers because of our moving, so she was so totally ready for this.

Knowing that she would be away from home, I wanted her to be able to call anytime she wanted. Her father and I agreed that she could get a cell phone. It also made sense because my contract had been up and after doing alot of research I found an amazing deal on two phones. We did not tell her, we wanted it to be a surprise. When it came and I told her one was hers - her scream could be heard for miles. In fact I wish I would have had the forethought to record it. For three days prior to her leaving she played with it and figured out parts of it, I didn't know it had, including the ring tones. She recorded her voice on my phone saying, "Mom, it's me, pick up the phone..." - and then set this to be the tone that would ring whenever she would call me. I have to say, it makes me smile the minute I hear it AND when there is so much going on and I would normally NOT hear my phone, as a mom, hearing my child's voice however small it is, is something that I can always achieve, so this alone nearly ensures that I'll answer everytime.

She has called several times a day and the first night was a bit rocky, but since, she is just checking in - - - when I spoke with her friend's mom, Kim, she mentioned that they could bring her back to Louisville around the 19th!!! Almost 3 weeks!! I am blown away that Kim would be that daring - someone else's child for 3 weeks!!! I had planned on driving down to get her around the 8th or 9th, but as it turns out, we are just going to play it by ear. Right now, I am shooting for around the 13th because we have a trip to New York later in the month and things to do in the in between...including a side trip to Winston-Salem to see some of my best friends. I can't wait....although, once I get there, I know I will not want to come home. And on our way back from there, we are stopping in Pikeville, KY to see my sister and nieces...so we are looking forward to it. Keep your fingers crossed that Soph still does as well as typical in the car.

On that note, the Soph note - while she misses Bella - I know this has been great for her. She is really enjoying just being 3!!!! And I am really enjoying watching it. Well I must close - but can't wait to hear from Bella again today and have to say to you all just how very proud I am of her. She is such a good girl!!!!

2008-06-27T12:35:00.001-05:00

A friend from another blog, Lori, started this and I thought it was a great idea - so here it goes - thanks Lori!

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.

The book closest to me is "The Well Trained Mind" - and there is nothing on page 18, so I flipped to 17 - line 4 is " Rigouros, systematic study has two purposes." - - - ooooh, fascinating - isn't it?

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there? shelves - piled with school stuff and work stuff.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? The Today show (like 10 minutes of it).

4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 1:27

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 1:03..oops! rushing time as always!

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The girls arguing over flarp! You know the lovely putty that makes horrible, wretched noises!

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Unloading groceries! I am living the life - woohoo!

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? An email message from a colleague

9. What are you wearing? black shorts, converse sneaks, and an Inspi(red) shirt.

10. Did you dream last night? Yes - it was strange - what I remember, I was in a different city - one I did not recognize - it was cold, dreary and snowing. I was getting ready for a party.

11. When did you last laugh? At Soph, earlier (well me too) - we were in the car at a light and she pointed right and said "we need to go Yat way!" - I said "no hon, we need to go this way" - she asked "not yat way?" - I said "no, Yis way" - Sophie speak is kind of catchy.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? A timeline for Bella's history lessons, Photos of the girls and two large Maps - a US one and a World one, for geography lessons!

13. Seen anything weird lately?

Hmmm, Sophie had these tiny bumps on her chest and side - yesterday - I put Hydracortesone cream on them and they are better today - not sure what they are/were!

14. What do you think of this quiz?

It's making me think - sort of!

15. What is the last film you saw? Kung Fu Panda - I think that is the name. Last movie for ME - Sex and the City.

16.If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Another home and that is about it. I would donate alot of it. Okay, let's change that a bit - I would invest in sound proof walls, so as to avoid hearing the constant arguing (like what is occuring now) between the girlies! Oy!

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: I would love to do mission work.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? that's a big one - there are too many things I would love to see changed. Guess one of them is our dependance on "things".

19. Do you like to dance? Yes - I love to dance !

20. George Bush: I respect him as the leader of this country.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Bella! :-)

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Shepherd- Shep for short! Family name!

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? Absol - friggin- lutely!

24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates? Thank you!

St. Louis

2008-06-24T10:39:00.005-05:00

The girls and I had a mini vacation in St. Louis. The weather was great and our time there truly relaxing. It was great to play tourist a bit, we went to Grant's farm - land in the city that is home to many wild animals from bald eagles to texas longhorns and elephants, we went to Ted Drewes an icon of frozen custard, the arch and several other places. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful the girls were, they absolutely enjoyed their time with their Dad too!

Swimming

2008-06-11T15:48:00.004-05:00

Bella is an excellent swimmer - always has been - guess she gets it from her Mom (LOL!! ;-)) Anyway, when we go to the pool she has a blast just plays and swims like crazy...well Soph is no different..since she was one she seems to have gotten the idea of swimming and has been able to doggie paddle with the best of them. Today we were working on actually swimming and floating. She did pretty well, but the times I let her go under a bit, in no way pleased her and she let me know that. Fingers crossed she'll be swimming without her safety seal by summer's end - heck if she can master potty training in less then two days this week....I figure this is a piece of cake!!!

Oh - gotta share a funny thing - while I was helping her float, little bubbles came from the water and with a big grin on Soph's face and at the top of her lungs, she bellowed "I TOOT" with a giggle! Kids - what more can I say!

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

"I had a great day Mom...."

2008-06-10T08:30:00.006-05:00

Was a great day! First of it's kind in quiet awhile - truly. Bella started VBS yesterday and when I took her she was extremely nervous.....she never has been in the past. She is a really outgoing child and never has trouble meeting anyone, even this year. She can walk into any room and immediately have a friend for life....it's just the way she has always been. Given that, I was surprised yesterday when her eyes started to well up and she remarked that she might just want to go home....I encouraged that she "could do this" and gave her a big hug and Soph and I headed out. I felt badly for her and through the day, in my constant conversation with God...just kept asking for "my girl back" - wondering what was happening to my family....and further devastated at the emotional destruction that has taken place over the past months and year.

While Bella was at VBS in the morning I turned my attention to Soph. She has not gotten as much time with me in the past year as I would have preferred. Homeschooling Bella was something that we needed to do and definitely something God called me to do, but entirely limited my time with Soph....so I was so excited to really have a morning with her. I let her choose and we went to the park, played tag, took a walk and when we got home took another walk - well I walked, while she slowly, very slowly rode her trike around the neighborhood. She would stop for anything that looked interesting...branches in the road, pretty weeds (okay, her perspective - flowers), birds, planes - you name it......in short, we had a blast! I loved it! REALLY REALLY enjoyed our time - wait I didn't stress that enough - - - IT WAS LIKE OLD TIMES, and a I LOVED IT!!!

12 noon rolled around and it was time to get Bella. We got there a little early and sat in a pew while we watched the end ceremony. I saw Bella's head bobbing to the music and laughing...she was talking to a couple of girls around her and her smile could not have been bigger. There was a twinge in my heart and a tear in my eye - - I saw her from a distance in a way I used to always see her - it was phenominal!!!!

When she spotted Soph and I, and the program was over, she came running - telling me that this was even better than New Orleans - - Whoa nelly!!! Can't believe this child said that - she has missed NOLA so much, I was beginning to wonder if anything would suffice! She was counting down the hours until Tuesday!!! What a blessing. I had to lift up an immediate thank you to God.....in such a short time, my morning prayers were answered and my girls were more like themselves then I had seen in eons!!!

The day continued from there, we had a fun lunch together, worked on school work (only a few more weeks) and played card games, dress up and just rough housed the entire rest of the day until bed at 9:15 or so! They both went to bed with smiles on their faces and after putting them to sleep and walking out - simultaneously, as if planned, they shouted "love you Mom" - to which Bella added "I had a great day Mom - thanks!"

Say what you will about the things in my life of late - but that, THAT is what makes it all worth while - life, in my eyes, doesn't get much better then the joy I saw on my girls' faces yesterday - and it didn't take fancy toys, or magnificent movies, incredible food or a theme park - just normal, simple moments - - - and they were fabulous - - each and every one!!!!!

My beautiful girl!

2008-06-05T15:51:00.004-05:00

My Bella boo has such a precious spirit, such a loving soul - it just exudes itself on the exterior!!!

Vacation

2008-06-04T16:05:00.004-05:00

Normally this time each year, we would be preparing for our annual beach trip. We have been going to the same beach every year with my sister's family and her in-laws, they are wonderful people, since Bella was 3!!! We have always had a blast. They will all be leaving soon and I am so bummed that we won't make it this year!!!

Thinking about that trip though, makes me remember one of my favorite Bella pics - so of course I had to share!!!

Fingers crossed that next year will be different!!!

Sophie's 3rd Birthday!

2008-05-30T14:34:00.006-05:00

Last night I crept into her room and looked at her. Her last night sleeping as a two year old. That got me. I can remember with great clarity the circumstances surrounding her birth. I remember her perfectly shaped head and her beautiful strawberry blonde hair. She was so tiny and still so perfect. I remember when I discovered I was pregnant. It was a huge shock and was months before I believed it to be true. Watching her play at the park this morning was kind of surreal. That same feeling of, "I still can't believe she is here". In the last three years, I have been blessed in ways I can't begin to recount appropriately. Just as a mom of a living child I have the joys and moments that so many women long for. Sophia has so much spunk and so much life in her, it blows me away that this child was the very child that was removed from my belly with no breath and no heartbeat. That she is the child that took several attempts and instruments just to keep her here.

Sophie Grace is a child that it takes several reminders to get her moving most of the time, especially if she is doing something or is somewhere she loves like today at McDonald's. I must have asked her to come 5 times and she kept saying, "just one more minute mom". With that I like to believe that her experience of coming into the world from her eyes is no different then that. Some believe that before we come to be born we are in heaven with God and loved ones...it's a thought I love. So maybe, just maybe the moments that the nurses and doctors were working on my girl...she was dancing in heaven with Jesus - saying, "just one more minute, one more dance!" - - She is such a sweet sweet babe - and I know that there is great purpose to her life. She will face her challenges and road blocks - but today it is with deep gratitude that I say "Thank you" - Thank you God for letting her have one more dance - and better yet - thank you for allowing me the gift of many!!!!

Happy birthday Sweet Sophia Grace!!!

Shutting up and listening

2008-05-28T15:30:00.005-05:00

You know those times when so much is going on around you that it is so easy to stress and forget to breathe! This is one of those times for me. There is so much to my life right now...and it eases at times and heaves at others. Today has been a day, a reminder that even in our comfort, when we think we make a step in the right direction that something can come along that causes a stumble. Be it big or little it makes you question, "why life is the way it is?" - which is so frustrating to me. That is not a question I ask! I have never really been one to say, "why me? why this?". I have just accepted that there is beauty in it, whether I see it or not and understood that it was not for me to understand. Strange as that is, it's true!! Daily I am struggling with my ability to overthink everything. It is a testimant to my philosophical personality, BUT also a HUGE weakness! It can paralyze me at times and make so much noise for me that it's hard to hear my spirit...it's hard to know how to move, let alone where to move or just how to do it.

In truth, I want no more than to be an instrument, a tool - and in some reflection time I forced after a few very stressful moments this morning - I realized that I am just that....how much I am used is up to me. It is easy to say I want to be there...in that smooth place that glistens and is pretty. The one that smells nice and sounds even better, but the reality is that to know who I am, to learn what my life and legacy will be is in this mess!! And wow - what a fine mess it is!!!! I am giving it up Lord - - just bare with me!!!

Happy Memorial Day!

2008-05-26T14:27:00.006-05:00

Just thinking about the many men and women serving our country right now and all those that have in the past. We were discussing wars and such at the table at lunch and it really helped to bring home the point to Bella that our freedom is not free! My father served as an Lieutenant in the US Navy when the Vietnam war was still just a conflict and I remember conversations with him about his feelings on the military. He was so proud to have served his country and had such stories and history to share I just wish I would have had the foresight to ask him to write them down and more importantly thank him! I mean really thank him. I don't think that I ever truly did. He knew that I enjoyed listening and that I loved looking at the slides he took and always remarked about how handsome he looked in his whites, but I never said thank you!!! So while I can't say it to my father I can say it for those now serving and those that will come to serve- Thank you! Thank you for choosing my freedom over your freedoms, for putting my needs ahead of your own personal gain, for selflessly willing to risk your own life and your family's well being. Thank you to those wives and husbands, children and parents who stay behind and struggle so that I can go to a church of my choosing, practice my faith, raise my children and live in a country that, for the most part, treasure's human life. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! From the bottom of my heart - Thank you!

Missing

2008-05-23T18:47:00.002-05:00

Zeke went missing for about two hours today. He got out of our back gate and was gone. Bella was devastated, to say the least! We drove around a great deal and finally got a call from someone caddie corner to us who found him and was holding onto him for us. Bella couldn't get there fast enough!!! It was so wonderful to see how thrilled she was to see him. She spent the hour after loving on him like crazy!!! So happy he is home! Thank the good Lord!

Best big sister in the world!!

2008-05-23T18:43:00.004-05:00

Sophie had been napping and when she woke Bella went in to get her. Soph immediately just cuddled up to Bell's shoulder and konk'd back out!!! Bella is such a terrific sister!!!

5 more words today....

2008-05-21T17:07:00.000-05:00

THANK GOODNESS FOR GREAT DOCTORS!

5 words today....

2008-05-18T12:29:00.001-05:00

Sophie Grace can be exhausting!

Friends

2008-05-15T12:35:00.002-05:00

I have been very blessed to have so many wonderful friends. Some of whom I don't talk to daily and almost all of which do not even live in the same city, let alone the same state. Today I was reminded what the Godly sense of a friend is - someone who seeks to lift you up or restore you, not anyone who wants to embarrass, judge or expose you. Gossip is something I don't have a great deal of patience with. It seems to be something that dictates the days for so many and drives individuals to do and say things that can be hurtful, whether they think the person they are discussing freely knows or not. Ultimately, any relationship where one person is busy looking for the things wrong in the other party has no chance in being healthy. I know that we often look to what others may say or do and pick it apart, so that ultimately we can, in some gory way, bring glory to ourselves. We really are a selfish people....we get so engrossed in things as we know them, that we may be overlooking when people in our lives just need an ear or hug.

So, in this, I just want to say Thanks guys! I have been so blessed with so many wonderful friends in my life - - friends that truly work to restore me! You are an amazing people and I am so thankful for you guys. You know who you are!

What struggles may come

2008-05-13T11:17:00.006-05:00

The past months have been filled with a great many emotions. There are days that I definitely handle what's been given to me with a little more grace then others. There are facets to my life that are ever present, although temporary, always there. No attempt to run, mask, or think them away will keep them from existance.

Soph is enduring some sort of battle - not entirely sure what it is just yet, but looking at many avenues. She's just not the same joy filled girl right now. I have found myself so much over the years just staring at the girls. I am constantly amazed by the work God does, how truly perfect, in their own way, each of them is.....I memorize almost every angle to their face, each freckle and every scar. With Soph, of late, I notice I am watching her more. I look at her face and just watch as she focuses on something. I try to imagine what is running through that little brain, almost imagining the wheels turning. I think to myself, "if only it were that easy". To be able to "read" exactly what she needs and provide it for her, how wonderful that would be, but then I immediately realize that to do that, would be a disservice to her, to whatever she must go through in life. I can't pretend to understand what she endures or what struggles may come and go, but I can be an active part to her healing. I can do everything to help her, to encourage her, to love her, unconditionally. This is what I know - right now, it is all I know. And while it is painful, 'specially those days that my soon-to-be 3 year old wants to be "hold up" in her room crying all day or when the major tantrums ensue, loving her - ALL of her, is all I CAN do, all I want to do - all I AM to do.

Siblings

2008-05-07T09:20:00.003-05:00

Now that Soph really knows how to talk, the child is full of surprises. We have been sitting in my room trying to fix my wireless network, the whole time they have been playing together and entertaining one another. So over a period of 10 minutes I have heard everything from Miss Sophie Grace - from "I don't like this necklace" to "don't touch me Bella" - - now as I am thrilled to have accomplished my router problems I must watch as Soph chases Bella on my bed screaming "I HAVE A RUNNY NOSE!" and trying to wipe it on Bella.....while Bella screams "Moooooommmmmmmmm!!!!"

It is fact now, Soph is no longer a baby and the two are truly "real" siblings...they are getting on each other's nerves, playing like friends and enemies at the same time and pointing fingers when something's been overturned or broken. It is such a pleasure to see their relationship change with each day, oh the things to come!

Note to self; wine key is located in the drawer next to the kitchen door and chocolate is on the upper shelf!!!!!!!! OY!

Derby Girls

2008-05-05T17:49:00.003-05:00

We decided to make Derby hats this year in order to correctly celebrate our day. The girls had a blast. They had flowers and ribbons, feathers and pom poms - they looked really cute too!!!

Derby Week!

2008-05-01T09:43:00.002-05:00

It is so nice to be in Louisville this week. There is so much going on and the festival has been fabulous. Our first official derby event was the balloon glow. Because of weather they weren't able to get all of the balloons up and lit, BUT, never the less, we had a blast. The girls just loved being out with their cousins and were thrilled to see all of the derby related things.

Your "ticket" into most events is a pegasus pin, which is the annual derby pin. Every year there are golden pins which put you in a drawing to win many things, including a Honda Odyssey or $20,000 cash....well, Soph got one of the pins!! Funny thing is, my sister has lived here for over 20 years and just said that she has never gotten one, leave it to sweet Sophie Grace. Poor Bella was so envious, I had to remind her that it's a game and if we win, it's just that "WE" win! She seemed satisfied in that. So fingers crossed, positive thoughts and hopeful energy out - I am willing the big prize guys!!! Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Earth Day!

2008-04-25T15:23:00.004-05:00

So I am a little late in posting this, but in honor of Earth Day this week the girls and I bought a ton of seeds and had a blast planting them. By the end of our day the girls were covered in mud and the seeds had been strewn in just about every direction. Can't wait to see what makes it, 'specially since the area we laid them out in the yard is under daily attack from Zeke and one of the pots has received more bubble solution than water.

We also got a blueberry bush. With the way we go through blueberries in this house it would be wonderful to grow our own! Happy Belated Earth Day!

Lipstick Dreams with Markers!

2008-04-19T19:10:00.003-05:00

Need I say more!

Beautiful Dresses

2008-04-14T20:09:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had one of those dresses that just made you feel special? I have, I remember clearly several dresses, 'specially one that came with a bonnet and had strawberries all over it. I loved it! I must have been about 5 years old. Well Soph has recently fallen in love with a dress in similar fashion. I picked up a couple of summer dresses last week for her and she begged me one morning to put her in one. She pranced around the house twirling all morning with the largest grin on her face. Just seeing her so genuinely happy made me feel so pleased for her.

Later in the day we chose to go to the park and picnic for lunch. With it being Spring break, there were alot of other mothers that had the same idea. After eating I watched the girls play. Bella went about her business, as she usually does, and in no time flat found a new friend. Soph carefully climbed the ladders and slides and as she did this, would stop anyone in her path - she would grab the sides of her skirt, lift it out, almost in curtsy form, and say very politely - "do you like my pretty dress?" or "look at my pretty dress!". Some of the children were very obliging, others, 'specially the boys, not so much - in fact, they would look at her as if she had two heads and walk away - at which point, she felt it necessary to follow them - yelling as loud as she could with a scowl on her face - "DO YOU LIKE MY DRESS? COME ON!" I wish I had it on video - - - Soph is definitely a spirit to be reckoned with - God bless the precious soul that decides to partner up with her in marriage!!! May the force be with him!!!

Feeding the ducks!

2008-04-07T20:32:00.000-05:00

There is a park near our home where we occasionally go and play and feed the ducks. Today was so beautiful we chose to do this first thing and the girls really enjoyed it. Bella went right to work, grabbed her bread and just meandered through the congregating quackers....Soph, on the other hand, chose to chuck large pieces of bread at unwitting participants while she chased them at full speed, screaming, "Wait, stop, No, WAAAIIITTTT" - too funny! I am sure word passed pretty quickly to watch out for the terrorist in toddler form named Sophie Grace!

Pug Free Sophie

2008-04-02T08:30:00.003-05:00

Sophie has become, over the past year, more and more dependant on her pug, aka pacifier. Because of the moving and changes in her life, I haven't wanted to make a huge deal out of learning to go without it. I figured in time she would eliminate the need on her own. However, her desire has increased and she has not been willing to negotiate on any level. A friend mentioned the "Pug Fairy". She told me that I should include Soph and have her decorate an envelope for the fairy, put her pugs in it and leave it outside overnight for the fairy to take it so that new babies could have Soph's pugs. I decided to try the approach so we've been "discussing" it for a few days and last night, we put the envelope out. Soph only asked where her pugs were one time and did not wake looking for them once last night (although as usual she woke), and this morning could not wait to see what the fairy left her in exchange. To this moment she still has not asked for a pug, keep your fingers crossed on that one. Can you believe it? It would appear that she was ready after all.......the issue now is a very personal realization for me ~ clearly my baby is no longer a baby and I have to manage my emotions around that!

Kudos Miss Sophie Grace!!!!

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

March for Babies

2008-03-31T12:47:00.002-05:00

If you do nothing, who will?

~Fear waits on every doorstep. It wears many masks. For families enduring any battle it is powerful enough to destroy marriages or whittle one's will down to nothing. It can drive decisions and encroach upon even the strongest of faiths. It is an impossibility to live freely without it. I can speak of many an occassion when fear has done all it could to direct my steps, especially with my children. With fear prematurity is a situation in which one of the biggest blessings becomes incredibly overshadowed. It is what makes a mother cry before surgery, what sits in silence with a waiting husband. It is why a parent can't come to the NICU or a mother gives up nursing and a father refuses to change a diaper. It is the reason tears are found on the cheeks of desperate adults, not newborns. Why a familiar "beep" can send chills down a mother's spine. Why a mom wipes down every inch of restaurant tables or is mocked for staying indoors during an entire winter and why a couple can become paralyzed over the decision to try again. The March of Dimes is an organization that walks hand in hand with every family struggling to overcome this fear. The research that they have helped fund has been pivotal in the advancements today. For instance, without it there wouldn't be resuscitation plans specifically defined for preemies, which enable staff to see the decision to resuscitate as more than a choice but a need, as less of a medical issue, and more a baby. It helps bring babies home. More than that, it helped bring my babies home. The gratitude I have far outweighs the fear I had to overcome. My girls are living proof that the March of Dimes works, that every penny given goes a long way. I am painfully aware that for many families life isn't always the outcome, I am so fortunate and it is because of this that I will do all I can to help fight this battle.

The March of Dimes can beat Prematurity, but not without you. Together we can overcome this, together we can see beyond the fear.

Please consider helping in our fight against this silent epidemic. Click this link www.marchforbabies.org/onfaith to find out how you can contribute.

The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.~

I've been tagged....

2008-03-22T11:51:00.003-05:00

by Jen at Against all odds and Sarah at Two Princesses, a Queen and an old frog.

Thanks so much guys!

The rules:
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

Not a clue where to start, so bear with me....
6 non-important things/quirks about me.......

1--I start out every day with a diet dr. pepper. A new obsession over the past 8 or so months. Have to have it, don't know why, just do. No other diet soda or drink covers that early morning craving. It is a must, just the one can and I'm good. Hoping I can learn to eliminate the need soon....I absolutely hate being "controlled" by a drink.

2--Baby wipes - we go through a ton every week. And not for the normal "baby" reasons, but because of my innate obsession with any unsightly spot or mark. I use them to wipe down the counters, several times a day, the tables, the walls, the doors, the floors, our shoes, door knobs, toys, etc....you name it, if it can be cleaned it meets a baby wipe nearly daily. I can not let a mark go, it will irritate the fire in me and I will not be able to concentrate on anything else until it has been removed!!!

3--My stress release - music. I will blast the stereo or TV music as loud as I can and clean or dance with the girls. It is an escape for me. Even when the girls have gone to bed I'll turn the radio on or music on the computer and just stretch or do Pilate's, anything....it is grounding for me.

4--silly rhymes - I find myself throughout the day, in just conversation with the girls, speaking to them in rhyming ways with a tune....for instance, the most recent one; "chickie poo chickie poo, I love you, yes I do." - totally annoying I know, but I can not stop, it just comes out. Bella's thrilled, let me tell ya.

5--I've always wanted to learn to play the piano. As far back as I can remember. I am still hoping that one day I will have the opportunity, I am convinced there is this phenomenal composer in my soul....I mean come on, don't you agree - what with things like "chickie poo chickie poo", seriously! ;-)

6--I can not wear shoes that don't have some sort of heel on them. True flats, they just don't work for me. I have them, but something about the extra inch, two or occasionally more, from a heel that make me feel awesome! Can't describe it. I am not a shoe-a-holic by any means....but I am extremely picky and yet still very simple........not a true girly girl, I can get down and dirty with the best of them, but undoubtedly, I'd being doing it in some sort of heel!

Ok, so not sure who I am tagging, as most I know have already been tagged.....I gotta figure that one out.

Rain

2008-03-19T18:18:00.003-05:00

My goodness will it never end? Sophie has added another fear to the growing list lately.....rain! Just viewing it from the windows she is in a quiet panic and asks throughout each day, "Mommy, what's that?" - I guess hoping I will say something else. I've spoken to her about what comes after the rain; rainbows and flowers and new life - but she is yet to be moved. It makes me think to circumstances in my life. And as I tell her of rainbows and flowers, I am reminding myself that they WILL come, no doubt and that the fear will become a calm! So until then, I will stand in this place with the umbrella and my arms open!

Through the years

2008-03-18T12:27:00.001-05:00

Fair

2008-03-16T19:53:00.005-05:00

Fair is a word I hear alot. Whether it is from the mouth of my 10 year old or others I know or meet. It is a word that I've been careful to use as I've gotten older. I know that things happen, whether we understand them or not, they just do. Today is Palm Sunday, the day termed as "The Triumphal Entry". When Christ rode on a donkey into Jerusalem. It is the start of a very long week. A week when He would be tested beyond belief, whether it was in questions He was asked by the Pharisees, things that took place in the Temple or even the awareness that one individual, closest and trusted, would turn on Him.

This is a day that blows me a way. To think that there was someone who was perfect, someone who committed no crime, no act of sin, someone who was completely innocent and He knew that going to Jerusalem would mean death and yet He went anyway!

Could you imagine going to a city you knew you wouldn't leave alive. Knowing that people you cared for, that you loved would turn their backs on you. Would you be able to do this? Physically think about it for a minute. Ask yourself that question? Would I?

Imagine the strength it took to enter that city with such Grace and Peace. Never claiming that it was unfair or unjust. He knew the abuse He would receive and the pain He would endure. Do you know anyone that would choose this? Willingly give themselves?

In our world these days, we complain all too often about what is unfair. How we should have more money, more love, a larger home, a better car ~ we envy our neighbors and pitty ourselves for what we physically lack or the ailments we suffer. I know it is natural to go there on occassion, but I am going to make a choice; forward I will do all I can, when I feel that push, to stop and remember the image of Christ on that donkey riding into a "fruitless fig". Whatever troubles I face or uncertainties that lie in front of me are nothing in comparison, my fears are unjust. Though life may not be the way I planned or dreamt it, my trials will end! And not with my body on a cross!

Sophie's Trike Ride

2008-03-14T08:29:00.003-05:00

Sophie learned to use her feet yesterday!!! Still some work to go, but we are getting there!!

The Easter Bunny

2008-03-13T18:33:00.005-05:00

This year Sophie actually gets the idea of all the holiday characters. She has been asking for about a month to see the Easter Bunny. Every week at some point she would ask, "See Easter bunny on Friday?". Now mind you, Friday doesn't represent any one specific day to her, just any day that something fabulous occurs on, something to look forward to. So today we went. As excited as Bella was, 'cause she is waining on the edge of belief....I believe with the thought "If I don't believe, I may not receive" - sounds reasonable when looking at the big picture - anyway - I think she was more excited about Soph's reaction to it all. Soph did not hesitate, Bella lifted her into the Bunny's lap and they sat for their picture. As they were walking away, I noticed Soph stopped, turned and put her hand up to say Good-Bye....kind of uncertain about what had just happened, but thrilled, none the less. Throughout today she has continued to ask "one more time Mama?". Looking at Bella, it's hard to believe that Soph will be there in no time. It wasn't so long ago, Bella believed with so much conviction!!!

Devouring Dessert!

2008-03-06T14:21:00.003-06:00

Bella has a new easy bake oven and has become a baking nut!

She loves it, and needless to say, by the photos below,

Soph is enjoying it too!

Happy Birthday Bella!

2008-02-26T22:30:00.001-06:00

10 years! It just doesn't seem possible! Last night when I went to bed I peaked at Bella, and although she is 20 times the size, she is still that little girl that was born screaming. Her face still looks the same. She still has the same dimple and she still has that incredible light about her.

Right now, Bella's mattress is on the floor in my room. Sophie's room is so cold this winter that I put her bed in my room, so it only seemed fair to make it an event for them both. Anyway, you know that moment just before you wake up some mornings. When there is no alarm blaring at you, or child poking at you - when you just slowly wake to conciousness on your own, this was one of those mornings. It was so nice, I didn't hear a thing. I rolled over to pull my comforter up a bit and debate whether I could just take a couple more minutes. Well, as my eyes slowed to an open point, I felt the pull to look in one direction. As I gently patted the blanket down to look over it I caught the "pull" - Bella. The entire time I lay there waking, she was staring at me, like a hawk. Waiting with baited breath to see if I would rise so that her birthday could begin. When she noticed that I saw her, a huge grin took over her face and she waved from her corner with such enthusiam that even a circus clown would be impressed. I laughed. And as I pulled myself to the sitting position, I took stalk of this beautiful child that was walking over to me. She is something else. A phenominal work of art. Nothing short of that. Yes, she has her moments, but just like any priceless piece her colors change depending on the light shed on them, and her nuances reflect differently each time she is held, and as time passes I am seeing things I didn't see earlier. I know she is growing and that she will continue to change before my eyes. It is not possible to express just how privilaged I am to be "mom" to this child. Life with Bella is constant, life with Bella is entertaining, life with Bella is exhausting, but a life without my Bella, well, that's no life at all.

Happy Birthday Bella!! I hope this year brings to you great joy and a walk that will enable your spirit!!!! I love you beautiful girl!!!!!! More then you will ever know!!

~I love Bella, yes I do
I love Bella, how 'bout you
when you meet her you will see
She is the best big girl there could ever be!~
(circa - 2001)

Turtles

2008-02-04T20:44:00.000-06:00

Turtles may be slow, no doubt. They certainly, in the real world, aren't winning any races. But maybe that's part of the problem, too many races. Rushing through things doesn't allow you to really learn anything or enjoy the scenery - I heard someone say today - it's not the outcome, but the journey. While the end result is hugely important, its weight can only be measured in the number of steps it took to get there.....the dance. In fact, in dancing it seems we most enjoy watching people whose feet do the fanciest work. The dance is often over so quickly that the effort it took to get there goes unnoticed. In significant portion, they practiced patience, persistance and timing. Today, I'll take it ~ the turtle! The path I am walking may not be leading me anywhere fast, and the dance may seem more like a glide then a cha cha, but I will learn to take deep breathes on the way and slow my step when I falter. I am certain that in the end, I'll be in line with the music that moves my spirit and paced on the road that is lined with hope!

Trust

2008-02-03T15:20:00.001-06:00

When you find faith, discover how it exists in your soul, it is so easy to take for granted the things that go with it. Trust is one of them. This was an area that I have always felt very comfortable with, never considered myself to be too distrustful or untrustworthy - almost more naive then anything. But I have come to realize that the real test to faith is that leap. Certainly over the years I have dealt with situations that have made me feel this way. Those times have only brought me closer to God. Right now I am faced with a cliff so sharp my feet wain on the edge. Literally speaking, my stability is horrible, to close my eyes while standing in church during prayer I have to grasp the row in front of me to stand myself. So trusting myself physically is tough......this time though, I am closing my eyes and putting my arms out.......I am doing all that I can to believe that if I fall, if my feet lose their balance on that cliff I will be well. I am putting the outcome into God's hands. It's the realization that He is the only person, short of yourself and even more then yourself, that has your best interests at heart.

It's a tough thing to do, trust and wait. I have been reminding myself of Bella's life verse a great deal lately -
Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I'm trying! Every day that is in my head reminding me.....I am turning myself over every morning and working on myself to wait, patiently! I CAN say, without question, that I am standing. I may stumble, but I am standing.

Note to Soph....

2008-02-01T17:16:00.000-06:00

I am in awe of how you have grown Sophie Grace. It seems since you have learned to talk in the past few months that you have really begun to blossom. So many instances this week have made me laugh or just express surprise at your reaction or comment. Earlier in the week after your nap you came and asked as you do to "cuddle more" - so we sat in my chair and watched TV for a bit until you woke up enough to play. The show we were watching had a woman on it talking about things that had recently happened to her husband, she stated that he broke his leg. You took your pug out and looked up at me in surprise and asked "BROKE LEG?" As if to question, if it was even possible. You were so surprised and disgusted at the same time and I was blown away that you understood so perfectly.

Then today, you had a runny nose, again. You kept telling me "Mommy, unning again!" - which is my cue to wipe it. At one point you came into the kitchen with your finger out and said "Mommy boogie on it" - - so I grabbed a wipe to clean your hand. Bella was there and heard and started saying "Ew gross Soph - that is so gross" - you turned to her with a big frown on your face yelling "Bella, just a boogie, COME ON - just a boogie" - - - I couldn't stop laughing!!! You are so incredibly adorable it is unbelievable.

Another thing - new favorite phrase - - "Dang it" - too funny.

Soph - you are just growing up too fast. I am so pleased with the kid that you are - you are such an incredible blessing. I am going to miss my time with you so much. There just aren't enough words.

Giants

2008-01-30T21:24:00.000-06:00

Throughout my life there have been giants present; whether in manner of people in my life or circumstances that were difficult to combat. Each time I was proud to say that I was able to defeat my giant, to overcome my Goliath. I recently realized that there is just a circumstance that is too big for me to fight anymore. I am putting down my breastplate of faith and love, I am removing my helmet of salvation and laying down a two edged sword. My hands are free, my back is turned. My heart is broken. This Goliath is just too big.

Enlightenment

2008-01-28T19:58:00.000-06:00

Every day is bringing me something new. I have surrounded myself with people that have similar interests and are familiar with many curve balls that can come your way in life. Through this process I am finding so much of me that has either been lost for some time or parts I didn't know even existed. There are obviously parts of me that I am very familiar with, both the kinds I am greatly proud of and yes even those that I could certainly do without. But in the midst of this time, I am learning so much more then I ever thought possible. I begin each day with such great relief ~ relief because of an enlightenment that becomes more and more clear each day. You know the metaphorical "light bulb" - well it clicks on at certain points for me throughout the day.

Today I attended another group that is hugely supportive to me. I sat in a room with about 50 men and women and listened to their stories and their thoughts. The discussion surrounded an excerpt from a book about healing; it talked of dreams lost, opportunities taken away, survival. As I watched the heads nodding and each individual responding to what they were hearing in different fashion, I noticed I felt perfectly comfortable in what others would say was a room of strangers. I understood - they understood. They have given me great gut to move in a direction that will only improve and empower my life and focus.

This has been the most difficult process in my life - but just as surely as the days I delivered the most incredible gifts in my life, I am singing the Lord's praises in it. I know that there is reason and movement and I know that I am not alone. There are little miracles and blessings every day and I will raise a thank you each morning for all that will take place in that day and will cast the same thank you to the heaven's as my head hits the pillow.

Whatever it takes!

Fear

2008-01-26T19:53:00.000-06:00

It's a pretty scary thing. It can control every thought, every movement or choice. There are moments in the past 24 hours where fear has crept into my head and heart and filled me with so much emotion that the tears just trickle down my face. Last night there was a time I needed to regroup. I grabbed my Bible and just opened to anything; my eyes fell on Lamentations 3: 19-32. The interesting thing is I have read this passage several times before, I know this not only because as I read it became familiar, but I had marked it with a star and line around it in its entirety. I have heard so many people say that sometimes you see a message you've already read and there is something new that strikes you. To look at it as a note from the Good Guy Himself sharing something you need to hear or know. It was this way for me last night. And throughout the day today when my mind would overwhelm me, I would bring to its front key phrases from the passage. Fear is definitely an amazing creation and as easy as it would be to give in, I refuse to. I have my moments, but I know one day all will be well and as the Word tells me I will patiently wait!!!

~I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust-there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love!~

New Orleans

2008-01-08T16:33:00.000-06:00

Today has been a great day, but lurking in the back of my heart is the sadness of how much I miss New Orleans. I think about that city daily and consider it more home than any of the many places I have lived in my 36 years. I have seen and lived on both coasts of this beautiful country, on all parts of it's oceans, and even in the middle and been blessed to live in such beautiful places as Monterey, California, Florida, New York, the mountains and beaches of the Carolinas - - and not one of those places has spoken to my heart as much as New Orleans. Don't get me wrong, I have loved other places, among them most - Winston-Salem. But there is something about NOLA, it was truly a place that I felt at home. A place where I met more people who were wonderful, who truly enjoyed life and meeting others - a city full of heart, spirit and treasures.

It's not easily forgotten and today was just a day that I took the opportunity to think in length about it. Trying to not think about NOLA or life there does me no good - - it's best if I face it head on and thank the Good Lord for introducing me to it. It was truly a place I was certain I wouldn't care greatly about, had the attitude that we would only be there a couple years ~ it was manageable with that. BUT I was so incredibly surprised, when in a very short time I learned the true heart of that city existed in all facets of it - even a vagrant in Jackson square who heard me saying that we were moving to his city - he, this man with no home, took his Mardi Gras beads and placed them on my two year old, with a big grin, saying "Welcome to our wonderful city". If that doesn't speak to it - I don't know what does.

Thinking of you NOLA - - can't wait to know you again!!!

How they know just what to say....

2008-01-05T19:01:00.000-06:00

The girls and I spent a great deal of time just playing today. At one point, Bella and I were talking about physically taking care of your body and how important it is for all reasons. This is a conversation we have had so many times, in so many ways. I said something to her about my getting older and wanting to take care of myself so that I may be around a long time, to keep my heart healthy and my focus oriented. Bella quickly snipped at me "Mom you are not old, you are young and beautiful". She went on to say something that blew me away about our current circumstance and a what if scenario - her statement was so mature and heartfelt - I just held her face in my hands and hugged her - - Bella is such a sweet kid, so thoughtful - so full of life - just a simply happy person. That is such a special quality, one that I hope, despite what life may bring her, she holds onto.

Thank you Bella - for being so wonderful, for encouraging those around you, for your smile, for your beautiful heart~for you!

How quickly she is learning....

2008-01-03T18:48:00.000-06:00

Sweet Sophie Grace is surprising me daily with her words. I know there will come a day that I won't remember that she didn't speak until she was almost 2 1/2 years old - that it will seem she has been speaking forever....the wonderful, yet bittersweet, part is that day will be coming very soon. At dinner tonight we were all talking and laughing and just out of the blue, she leaned into me put her arms around my neck and clearly said "I love you too Mama!"

My heart melted. I smiled and laughed with so much pride for her. Bella did too, which prompted Soph to say "Love you too Bella" - - and she began to clap.

Not to mention, just yesterday we were listening to music in my office and Sophie knocked down a part of an old trunk they play with, climbed on top with a pencil in hand and began to dance and sing like she was performing. When did that happen - - her ability to become a kid so quickly. Outside of her size there isn't a lot of baby left in her.

I am so proud of how she is growing. So many times through each day I either say to myself or someone else how terrific my girls are. I am so incredibly blessed, there is no denying it.

They are such treasures and joys to watch grow. I am so incredibly privileged.

Happy New Year!!

2008-01-02T15:57:00.000-06:00

As Bella has been saying all week - -

"2008 is going to be GREAT!"

Wishing Peace, Happiness and Health in abundance to you all!

Remembering the meaning....

2007-12-23T18:26:00.000-06:00

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day occurences in our lives and especially this time of year - - we rush to find just the right present or to meet all of the items on the list. Even those that made it very last minute. So many times I encounter people and I wonder if they truly remember what it is to celebrate Christmas. If they remember why it exists, why we give gifts. I can't speak for other people, but I can say with great clarity that Christmas is more than just a day to see the twinkle in my girl's eyes in the morning, the excitement when they do find that gift they wanted tucked under the tree, or the table filled with wonderful food and family.

It is a day that represents who I am called to be, the road I have chosen to follow. A gratitude that is immeasurable and a respect that is deserved above all others. The knowledge that on this day a baby was born. A defenseless child, whose life was predetermined. I think to Soph's birth. We worked so hard to ensure that she stayed with us, to make sure that we did not lose her after her birth. I prayed so hard that I would get to see her grow, to help her on her path - - I sat by her incubator just staring and dreaming of her future; school, baking cookies, dolls, her wedding, grandkids - all of it. I had great hopes even then. How painful it would have been for me, if I did all of those things knowing that her destiny was to die. To die early, to be ridiculed, tortured, and betrayed in the most intimate of ways. To know that she would die for people that were not deserving, for people who were not grateful - who would not remember or care to know what her purpose was. I would have been angry from day one. I would want to shout from the highest mountains, I would hold so much contempt for those in the world and yet - God still delivered this child, his son to us - to die for us - knowing that his son would die on a cross, would hang in pain and anguish - and that his people would forget, would not care. He delivered a savior that to this day some people have no respect for. And yet, he is not angry, he holds each of us in his palm, he welcomes us without question. How is it possible? It is too large a task for me to understand.

What I can understand is that on the one day each year that almost all people celebrate, there should be a moment reserved in the morning before opening packages to recognize why they are there, there should be an extra setting at the table, and without a doubt hearts should be open and grateful - we have been washed white because of that teeny babe in a manger. There is no question whose day it is - - - - -

Rejoice! Rejoice! For unto us a savior is born!
Happy Birthday Emmanuel!

Heart Disease and PE

2007-12-09T20:19:00.001-06:00

Please read about the hightened risks of heart disease among Preeclampsia survivors! Not new news, but worth a reminder!

http://preeclampsiasurvivors.blogspot.com/2007/12/preeclampsia-and-heart-disease-risk.html

Praising in the Storm

2007-12-07T12:18:00.000-06:00

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
stepped in and saved the day
but once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining

And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't Find you

And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God that gives
And takes away

And I'll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of Heaven and Earth

And I'll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm