Monday, December 22, 2008

I am so spoiled....

For a week now Marty and I have been sick. It seems to have started with Bella and just made it's way around to the two of us, thankfully Soph is in good shape!! We have both felt so lousy that we haven't done much of anything. That said, I can't sit still....if there are dishes in the sink I must wash them, garbage that needs to go out, I must take it. And because I am such a germaphobe laundry needed to run regulary and baths given daily. I have been exhausted...but what I have hated most is how this type of situation can feed on anything negative. I was just a grump...and short of feeling terrible couldn't put my finger on why....until yesterday.

For so many years, I was the one doing all of the meals in the house, every dish, every bath, all the cleaning and so on. No help. I was physically exhausted and didn't even know it then. NOW, things are quite the opposite...I am married to a man that doesn't have to be asked at all to help. He does more than I imagine and probably more than I could recount, so while I was not feeling well, nor was he and I perfectly understood this.....I guess the subconcious fear of past reality crept in...overwhelming me to the point of tears. I never want to go back.......and I need to get better about letting Mart know just how much I appreciatate all that he does do! Spending so many years counting on only one person in a relationship is an exhausting and scary experience.....nor the way the Good Lord intended. So I spend today getting better, taking care of a terribly sick hubby and being incredibly grateful for the amazing man given to me, as well as for the wonderful knowledge that I will never experience past circumstances again and especially for the incredible hope that burned all those years in the process!!!!

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