Tuesday, May 13, 2008

What struggles may come

The past months have been filled with a great many emotions. There are days that I definitely handle what's been given to me with a little more grace then others. There are facets to my life that are ever present, although temporary, always there. No attempt to run, mask, or think them away will keep them from existance.

Soph is enduring some sort of battle - not entirely sure what it is just yet, but looking at many avenues. She's just not the same joy filled girl right now. I have found myself so much over the years just staring at the girls. I am constantly amazed by the work God does, how truly perfect, in their own way, each of them is.....I memorize almost every angle to their face, each freckle and every scar. With Soph, of late, I notice I am watching her more. I look at her face and just watch as she focuses on something. I try to imagine what is running through that little brain, almost imagining the wheels turning. I think to myself, "if only it were that easy". To be able to "read" exactly what she needs and provide it for her, how wonderful that would be, but then I immediately realize that to do that, would be a disservice to her, to whatever she must go through in life. I can't pretend to understand what she endures or what struggles may come and go, but I can be an active part to her healing. I can do everything to help her, to encourage her, to love her, unconditionally. This is what I know - right now, it is all I know. And while it is painful, 'specially those days that my soon-to-be 3 year old wants to be "hold up" in her room crying all day or when the major tantrums ensue, loving her - ALL of her, is all I CAN do, all I want to do - all I AM to do.


  1. ((((((hugs)))))) for you and Sophie.

  2. Thank you SO much Lyndsey!!