Shutting up and listening

You know those times when so much is going on around you that it is so easy to stress and forget to breathe! This is one of those times for me. There is so much to my life right now...and it eases at times and heaves at others. Today has been a day, a reminder that even in our comfort, when we think we make a step in the right direction that something can come along that causes a stumble. Be it big or little it makes you question, "why life is the way it is?" - which is so frustrating to me. That is not a question I ask! I have never really been one to say, "why me? why this?". I have just accepted that there is beauty in it, whether I see it or not and understood that it was not for me to understand. Strange as that is, it's true!! Daily I am struggling with my ability to overthink everything. It is a testimant to my philosophical personality, BUT also a HUGE weakness! It can paralyze me at times and make so much noise for me that it's hard to hear my spirit...it's hard to know how to move, let alone where to move or just how to do it.

In truth, I want no more than to be an instrument, a tool - and in some reflection time I forced after a few very stressful moments this morning - I realized that I am just that....how much I am used is up to me. It is easy to say I want to be there...in that smooth place that glistens and is pretty. The one that smells nice and sounds even better, but the reality is that to know who I am, to learn what my life and legacy will be is in this mess!! And wow - what a fine mess it is!!!! I am giving it up Lord - - just bare with me!!!