Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Joy and Sorrow

I am a person that has always been satisfied easily...honestly it doesn't take much. My understanding of life is based entirely on my relationship with God. That said, life's choices aren't always easy and the road and path still have bumps and hills and, well, at the moment, mountains.

Marty has been in my life for almost 16 years. I have loved him with my whole heart and believed in him the same way, so it is with great sadness that I admit defeat. I am wise enough to recognize when enough is enough.

A few weeks ago, we sat on Bella's bedroom floor and told our girls that our family would be seperating. I can't begin to express how gut wrenching it was for all of us. I will say there was no scene of loud or boisterous emotion, no uncontrollable sobbing or whailing, no yelling. While Sophie played around us, Mart and I watched Bella who showed incredible Grace as the tears slowly filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. There were times she would look at the two of us as if to ask, is this real? Am I dreaming? But at the same time, she was filled with such confidence that she could verbalize her love for both of us and her willingness to help in anyway.

How is it that a marriage that has certainly had it's moments in 13 years and produced two beautiful, inside and out, children, that I have held so much love for ending? Good question....I am not entirely sure of the answer.

But it seems as surely as our marriage began in way of a simple ceremony in a small church in upstate New York it is ending as simply in the incredible city of New Orleans. An excerp from my favorite book, The Prophet, regarding marriage was read by a dear friend at that wedding, so my thoughts immediately go to the same book to find resolution in the healing.

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from
which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how
else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more
joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup
that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes
your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are
joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has
given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look
again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that
which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than
sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto
you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone
with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your
joy or your sorrow rise or fall.


  1. I'm sorry and if you need a shoulder to lean on, you know where to find me. Hugs.....Sabrina

  2. B, my heart goes out to all of you, especially the girls. I wish I can be there to offer you hugs. I can be your sounding board anytime. I know it's hard to believe me right now. Your faith and your courage have been your guiding light through your trials, and God knows, you've been through them. You will get through this one. I love you.